Keeping up with the Bones'

Good things come to those who wait. And after a mere sixteen weeks, we present you with "Keeping up with the Boneses," an article that will discuss what players are likely to play, which ones aren't, and which ones you'll be scrambling to find information on Sunday morning. Likely to play (Probable) -Derrick Mason/WR Baltimore -Muhsin Muhammad/WR Carolina -Joshua Cribbs/WR Baltimore -Jason Witten/TE Dallas -Eddie Royal/WR Denver -Maurice Jones-Drew/RB Jacksonville -Brandon Jacobs/RB Giants -Laveranues Coles and Jerricho Cotchery/WR Jets Game-time Decision (Questionable) -Anquan Boldin/WR Arizona -Ray Rice/RB Baltimore -Marshawn Lynch/RB Buffalo -Marion Barber/Dallas -Bernard Berrian/WR Minnesota -Pierre Thomas/RB New Orleans -Frank Gore/RB San Francisco Unlikely to play (Doubtful) -Chad Johnson/WR Cincinnati -Kellen Winslow Jr/Cleveland -Kevin Boss/TE Giants -LenDale White/Tennessee Out (Not going to play) -Carson Palmer/QB Cincinnati -Dominic Rhodes/RB Indy -Jeremy Shockey/TE New Orleans -Matt Hasselbeck/QB Seattle
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Running the Wire

Heading into Week 17 I'm assuming that the majority of your seasons have either already ended unsuccessfully due to Marion Barber's decision to jump off a cliff or successfully due to dumb luck. But then there's the idiots who set up their leagues to last all 17 weeks. And you bums are probably freaking out trying to find a quarterback on waivers to fill in for Peyton Manning who will sit this weekend which is totally predictable and happens every year and is similar to benchings that occur throughout the league during the last week of the season and are the reason why you don't make your leagues last 17 weeks. Well, because you're idiotic, I'm not going to reveal wire wonders. You don't deserve help. Instead, I'm going to help out those who have suffered all year through NFL hobos dropping bust seasons for the Americans who spent 29,384 hours researching and deciding to draft said hobos. For the last Running the Wire of the year, I tell you whom to drop. It's the spirit of giving after all. Might as well give back the waiver wire the soap on a rope crap that deserve to be there. It'll make you feel good to let these guys go, I know it. Merry Christmas. [Ed's note: This is not the end of the post. There's a big space that is of no use; click the "Keep going..." below.] Gold Wire Drops Chad Ocho Cinco WR/Cincinnati Bengals—He should have changed his name to Chad Cero. He's worth nothing. For the future, don't even draft him until the Ocho Cincoth round. Carson Palmer QB/Cincinnati Bengals—Don't want Chadwick to get lonely on the wire. Actually I kind of do. Joseph Addai RB/Indianapolis Colts—Congratulations, Alex. Congrats. Braylon Edwards WR/Cleveland Browns—He only came 14 touchdowns short of winning that bet with Michael Phelps. So there's that. Gold Wire Drops Edgerrin James RB/Arizona Cardinals—Your one 100-yard game this season was much appreciated. Get a haircut. Derek Anderson QB/Cleveland Browns—More proof that money isn't everything. Actually this is proof that money is nothing. Absolutely nothing. Darren McFadden RB/Oakland Raiders—Of course in a season that sees the greatest class of rookie running backs in the history of the world emerge, the back who was drafted the highest would not be part of the emergence. I blame Art Shell. Willis McGahee RB/Baltimore Ravens—You couldn't secure the starting job from a rookie and a 260 pound fullback? Really? More Gold Wire Drops Plaxico Burress WR/New York Giants—Is it wrong to feel the urge to shoot someone who just got shot? Torry Holt WR/St. Louis Rams—This one kind of makes me sad. Jamal Lewis RB/Cleveland Browns—You weigh 245 pounds! Four touchdowns? Willie Parker RB/Pittsburgh Steelers—Well, I enjoyed the first two weeks... We'll be coming over later to sing Christmas Carols. Get some cocoa ready or something. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Weekend Recap: Week 16

The end is near. Time flies by if you're winning. If only the same can be said for losing; it must feel like an eternity for the Detroit Lions. However you want to put it, we're now entering the last week of the fantasy football season. This week and next are still worth taking a peek at, even if your fantasy season is over. Backups and players with high potential will get extra playing time if they're on a team that can do so (i.e. resting starters for playoffs or struggling teams trying to get a jump on next year). Sleepers can be found or at the very least, slightly unearthed. Pierre Thomas made an impression on coaches Week 17 of last year, and now, some owners could win their league because of this guy. Like I said, the end is near, but it isn't here. Stay focused. - 'Twas the week before 17, and all through the forums, not a poster was exclaiming, not even the biggest Jacksonville fan: Has Dennis Northcutt's recent performance the past two weeks gone utterly unnoticed? (Don't worry, I wouldn't dare attempt to write a book.) Against two respectable pass defenses in Green Bay and Indy, he's posted at least five receptions, 100 yards, and a score. Baltimore's defense is tough, but with Matt Jones still out, Northcutt seems to be the main man in Jacksonville. - Cedric Benson's carries and yards have each increased the past four weeks, capping off yesterday with 38 carries for 171 yards. Another 38-carry game is unrealistic—the wind at Cleveland yesterday made passing awful—but with a decent matchup against the Chiefs next week, Benson should enjoy a fairly productive day. - If your league awards points for Chuck Norris-esque toughness, Jeff Garcia just won you a championship. - The Weather Channel will fast become the friends of Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald owners. The Cardinals were absolutely awful in the winter wonderland that was Foxborough. If the weather is decent in Seattle this week and Warner and Fitz are expected to play (Arizona may rest their starters; hopefully we'll post updates on the blog), feel free to deploy the two. But if the weather in Seattle is frightful as it was Sunday, you're better off looking at other options. - Trent Edwards returned this week, but he was conservative, and Lee Evans continues to suffer because of it. The Bills' wide receiver had his third straight game of under 30 yards receiving. Such a sorry finish to such a strong start. Send us your wish list. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Shanahan's Karma Party Continues: More Running Backs On IR

There is a God. And he does care about sports. And Mike Shanahan must have gotten on his bad side. It's the only way to explain the injuries to his running backs this year—the same running backs he's taunted Fantasy Football-dom with for 124,098 years—that now have slew PJ Pope and Selvin Young. The Denver Broncos coach said Monday that both backs are expected to be placed on injured reserve this week. Pope tore his hamstring and Young ruptured a disk in his neck in Sunday's game against the Buffalo Bills. They'll be the sixth and seven running backs to be placed on IR for Denver this season. Tatum Bell is the only tailback left standing, so he could be a nice flex play against the Chargers if you have a championship game Week 17. Although if I was Bell, the last thing I'd want to do is step into the Broncos backfield that pretty much knifes every new starter in the cornea each week. Some dudes named Cory Boyd—from the Bronco's practice squad—and Alex Haynes—signed after being waived by Denver in November—may also have a chance to be slaughtered by the Shanahan curse this weekend as well. Neither have any fantasy value unless your league awards points for deaths.
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