Week 16 Name Calling

Who you gonna call? Sorry Ghostbusters, but you won't do the trick this week. In most fantasy leagues, Week 16 means one thing: being one game away from fantasy glory. No room for error, and one mistake can mean the difference between first place and the soon-to-be-forgotten runner-up. No pressure.

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Who You Gonna Call Kevin Walter/WR Houston: He's been flying under the radar this year, but has put up good numbers. Case in point: Walter has a better yards per reception average than superstar Andre Johnson—15.1 for Walter and 13.7 for Johnson—and more touchdowns than Johnson—eight to six in favor of Walter. Granted, Johnson is obviously the superior talent and fantasy play, but he'll be covered by one of, if not the, toughest cornerback in the league in Nnamdi Asomugha. Nnamdi is certainly tough, but the rest of the Raiders' secondary is as tough as a bag of feathers. Chad Pennington/QB Miami: The best way to predict the future is by looking at the past. Look at what the past two quarterbacks have performed against the Dolphins' opponent this week, the Chiefs. 1. Jay Cutler: 32-40, 286 yards, two TD, one INT 2. Philip Rivers: 34-48, 346 yards, two TD, one INT That's a combined 66-88 (75% completion percentage) for 632 yards and four touchdowns in the past two weeks. Pennington hasn't put up huge numbers the past couple weeks, but there's no better time for a player to come up big than against a weak pass defense with your team's playoff hopes on the line. Given the Chiefs nearly non-exsistent pass rush, a league-low nine sacks, Pennington should have all day to throw. DeSean Jackson/WR Philadelphia: No Kevin Curtis. No Hank Baskett and consequently, no complaints from Kendra Wilkinson. That leaves Jackson and Donovan McNabb's right hand man this week in a rivalry game against the slumping Redskins. Ever since Andy Reid benched McNabb, he's turned it around, throwing seven touchdown passes to just one interception and winning the past three games. Who You Not Gonna Call Brett Favre/QB Jets: Yes, I'm telling everyone to bench the "savior." Favre has been very Favre-like lately, and that's not always a good thing. The gunsligner has thrown five interceptions to just three touchdowns the past four games. And in the three games New York has played on the West Coast—which is where the Jets will be playing this week—Favre has thrown five interceptions. Yikes. Tyler Thigpen/QB Kansas City: Nothing against Thigpen, but this Miami defense has been brutal the past three games. They have not, and I repeat have not, allowed a single touchdown in that span. None. Zilch. Nada. The same number of wins the Lions have. Marion Barber/RB Dallas: Usually a must-start, but the rulebook tends to get pushed aside in fantasy playoffs. Barber is questionable tonight and even if he does play, he won't be his usual self. Tashard Choice is likely to get a good chunk of the carries. Couple that with a stingy Baltimore run defense, and Barber's chances of a productive night are as slim as Jerry Jones wanting his team to fly under the radar. We believe in Santa. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Week 15 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. The only thing I hate more than the complete mess that is the Cowboys' locker room, seriously, they're acting more like the cast of The Hills than a football team, is writer's block. To be honest, I have nothing introduction-worthy. My mind is completely empty. Now I know what Jessica Simpson feels like. But you could care less about an introduction. All you need is solid fantasy advice. And my mind isn't blank in that department. Who You Gonna Call Derrick Mason/WR Baltimore: What, have you gone off the deep end, Alex? Do you not realize that Mason is going against the Steelers, the best defense in the league? No, I haven't lost it (yet). And yes, I'm well aware of who he's playing this week. In fact, that's a reason why I'm so high on Mason this week. Dating back to last season, he's averaging just under seven catches per game for 81 yards. The first time these two teams met this year, Mason went off for 137 yards on eight receptions. Mason has clearly been Joe Flacco's favorite target this year, having more than double the receptions of the next Raven (Mason, 65; Mark Clayton, 30). A big rivalry game at home with the playoffs on the line? You can bet Mason and company will be going all out. Jonathan Stewart/RB Carolina: This may be the last time I'll be able to put Smash, er....Stewart on this list. He had a coming-out-party last week on Monday Night Football against a stout Bucs defense, rushing for over 110 yards and two scores in a win over Tampa Bay. Now, he gets to face an easier defense in the Denver Broncos, who have allowed five rushing touchdowns the past three away games. Fantasy success. Chester Taylor/RB Minnesota: Little bit of a forewarning: I'd start him only in deeper leagues or if you're low on options. He hasn't gotten many carries lately, but he's made the most of his opportunities, scoring one touchdown in each of the last three games. Arizona, whom the Vikings face this week, have allowed three rushing touchdowns the past three games. See the trend? Who You Not Gonna Call Matt Ryan/QB Atlanta: Atlanta is at home this week; that's good news for fans, but for Ryan owners, it's nothing to get overjoyed about. Although Ryan is a better quarterback at home, he isn't that great of a fantasy quarterback. He's only thrown five touchdown passes at home in six games, four of those coming against the Lions, Chiefs, and Saints. Even the biggest hater of Tampa Bay would say that the Bucs defense is one of the better in the league. Don't forget how Ryan performed in his first meeting: 13 of 33 for 158 yards, two INTs and no TDs. David Garrard/QB Jacksonville: Riddle me this. What do you get when you combine an interception-prone quarterback and a defense that is near tops in the league in interceptions? A fantasy sit. That's the case with David Garrard this week, who has thrown at least one interception in four straight games. The Packers rank fiftth in the league in interceptions with 19. And though they gave up a ton of yards to Matt Schaub last week, Garrard doesn't have an Andre Johnson. And without Matt Jones, who is serving a three game suspension, his arsenal is even more shallow now. We don't have bounites on other sites. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Week 14 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. I hear that the Chargers/Raiders game was held in 3D in certain theaters. "Hear" is the operative word though since I don't happen to live in Los Angeles, New York, or Boston. And despite my one-man hunger strike to put the NFL Network on cable isn't going over so well, I couldn't even watch the game. Though now that I think about it, that's probably a blessing in disguise. Who wants to spend a Thursday night watching the Raiders get crushed? The whole 3D concept seemed too gimmicky for me. This isn't Spy Kids. You don't need to get all fancy when you're the NFL, or at least you shouldn't have to. Just put on football and people will watch, even if it is the Raiders. Here at FFWWH though, we don't need a gimmick. Just straight-up fantasy football advice. Who You Gonna Call Pierre Thomas/RB New Orleans: Début le! That's "start him" in French at least, so says the Internet which probably isn't the best place to go for a translation. Whatever language, Thomas is a solid play against Atlanta this week. The game is in the Superdome, where the Falcons allow an average of a little over 101 yards on the ground per game this year (117 if you take out the game against Oakland). Even with Deuce eligble to play, it sounds like Thomas will be the workhorse after hearing this from Sean Payton: "I think so, " Payton said. "We saw him handle a real good workload a year ago in Chicago, and certainly his role has changed of late with us. You'll see him get a lot of touches this weekend." That's a ringing endorsement from both Payton and myself. Tim Hightower/RB Arizona: Yes, he's struggled the past few weeks. About the only thing that's done worse than him is the run defense of the Rams. And look at that, Hightower gets to face those very same Rams this week. At home. With something to prove. The last two times the Rams went on the road? They were blown out, allowing 149 yards to Thomas Jones and 106 to Frank Gore. Because of the rookie's struggles, some fans want Edge back in the lineup. I can assure you he wants to quiet his critics, and a big game would do just that. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RBs against Detroit and Kansas City, WRs against Miami and Seattle, QBs against Detroit and San Diego Who You Not Gonna Call Jason Campbell/QB Washington: After starting out the season on a really good note, Campbell's play has diminished the past few weeks. Including the Steelers game Week Nine, Campbell has thrown just two TDs compared to his four interceptions and has only one game in which he threw for over 206 yards. Back-to-back games in which he struggled to complete 60 percent of his passes doesn't help his cause either. Frankly, I don't see things getting better for him this week. I'll do my best impersonation of Zach and throw some numbers your way. 1. The Ravens rank second in the league in pass defense, allowing just over 175 yards through the air. 2. The Ravens are first in the league in interceptions with 20. 3. They are 9th in the league in sacks. Granted, they have benefited from a soft schedule so far, but they're a very physical team. Jason Campbell, or anyone else for that matter, doesn't want any part of that. Jake Delhomme/QB Carolina: He and the Panthers have been winning games in real life, but the story probably isn't the same if you've been starting Delhomme in your fantasy leagues. He's only thrown for three touchdown passes his last four games, and attempted just 17 passes last week. Tampa Bay has one of the most stingy pass defenses in the league, third in the league to be exact, led by Monte Kiffin and that dreaded Tampa 2. The past three weeks they held Gus Ferrotte and Daunte Culpepper to under 150 yards passing, and they picked Drew Brees off three times last week, something that has only happened three times the past two seasons. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to bench Drew Brees): RBs against the Ravens, Oakland WRs, QBs against Indianapolis

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Week 13 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. Ahh yes, Thanksgiving. A great time of the year. Except for football, especially this year. Could we please have at least one competitive game? All three games, blowouts, though I wouldn't expect anything less from the Lions; they're part of the holiday tradition—turkey, stuffing, and the Lions getting creamed. Shame on you Arizona. You were the best shot to give us a good game. But no, you failed. Can't you see that I'm trying to win one million dollars? Ranting aside, I hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving. Who You Gonna Call Matt Ryan/QB Atlanta: After two straight weeks of touchdown-less football, you know Matty Ice is itching to get back on the proverbial horse. And what better time to do so than against the Chargers, who rank last in the league in pass defense? Ryan has had at least 248 yards in four of his last five weeks; a couple of touchdowns this week would make him fantasy gold for owners. Lance Moore/WR New Orleans: Talk about riding a hot streak. Moore, a big piece in the Saints' offensive puzzle, has had nearly 300 receiving yards and four touchdowns his past three games. You do the math. Drew Brees lit up the the Bucs in Week One, throwing for 343 yards and a couple of scores; he's a good bet to do so again. Ted Ginn Jr./WR Miami: Not too often I suggest starting him. But I'm going against the grain this time. With Greg Camarillo done for the year due to a sprained knee, Ginn is the Dolphins most viable threat at wide receiver. Couple that with a weak Rams' pass defense and Chad Pennington coming off of a big performance last week against rival New England, Ginn could be huge. Side note: Anthony Fasano is also starter-worthy this week. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RBs against Detroit and Kansas City, WRs against Miami and Seattle, QBs against Detroit and San Diego. Who You Not Gonna Call Willie Parker/RB Pittsburgh: I managed to put my Steelers bias aside, for this week anyway. I simply don't trust the Steelers running game. Parker couldn't do anything last week against a Bengals defense that got even worse as the game went on (they lost two DE's, Robert Geathers and Frosty Rucker), and I can't see a reverse in that trend against a Patriots defense that gave up just 3.5 YPC to Thomas Jones two weeks ago and a mere 37 yards to Ronnie Brown last week. Nose tackle Vince Wilfork will be licking his chops just as I'm sure he did around the Thanksgiving table. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to bench Drew Brees): RBs against the Ravens, Oakland WRs, QBs against Indianapolis
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Week 11 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. For once, I'm the one asking the questions. I've been watching college football all day on ESPN, and caught a glimpse of some of the NCAA games tonight. I know it's commonplace in college sports, but why do some powerhouses always play a Division III team that has more letters in its name than it will points by the time the games are said and done tonight (case in point, this school)? What do the coaches of the Division III team say when they're going against North Carolina and Duke? What kind of pep talk can the coach of SE Northern Maine State University give to his team? What answer is there? I'm sure you're looking for answers. Probably not to my question, but as to who you should start or sit this weekend. Who You Gonna Call Greg Camarillo/WR Miami: Ted Ginn Jr. is expected to be covered by Nnamdi Asomugha this week , leaving Camarillo to go against whatever No. 2 CB the Raiders can find out of the junkyard. Camarillo isn't going to have a 10-catch, 150-yard day, but he's a solid possession receiver who has had less than three catches a mere one time this season. Tyler Thigpen/QB Kansas City: Geez, I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but Thigpen isn't a bad option this week. After a horrendous start to the year, he's thrown for 250-plus yards and two-plus touchdowns in two of the last three weeks. Those games came against the Jets and Chargers, who rank 27th and 32nd in pass defense respectively. The Saints, who Kansas City faces this week, rank 26th in that category. They also won't have the services of Mike McKenzie, who is out for the season due to injury. DeAngelo Williams/RB Carolina: Hmm....new week, but the same reasons as last. The Lions are awful on defense, and with Delhomme in a bit of a funk, you can bet the Panthers will pound the ball a lot. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RBs against Detroit and Kansas City, WRs against Miami and Seattle, QBs against Detroit and San Diego. Who You Not Gonna Call Maurice Jones-Drew/RB Jacksonville: One defensive line you don't want to face is the Titans'. They're eighth in the NFL in run defense, giving up just over 90 yards per game. And although the Jags will be getting Brad Meester back this week, he'll get the ever so warm welcoming of facing Albert Haynesworth. Here's another fact: MJD has only ran over 70 yards three times this season. And the last time the Jags faced the Titans, he only ran for 13 yards on five carries. In a word, avoid. Steve Slaton/RB Houston: The matchup isn't bad, but it appears that Slaton has hit the "rookie wall"—that's when a rookie's body begins to break down because he isn't used to the constant beating each week and the longer season the NFL has compared to college. He isn't a horrible play, but there are safer options than him for this week. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to bench Drew Brees): RBs against the Ravens, Oakland WRs, QBs against Indianapolis
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Week 10 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. For all of those in a politician fantasy league (no, I'm not talking about Elliot Spitzer), feel free to insert Barack Obama into your starting lineup. While you're at it, sit John McCain. For those of you playing fantasy football, what guys should you turn to and which should you shy away from? Who You Gonna Call DeAngelo Williams/RB Carolina: We all know that the Raiders' pass defense took a hit with the release of another DeAngelo—DeAngelo Hall. But lest we forgot how terrible their run defense is, ranked 30th in the league. Jonathan Stewart appears doubtful to play this week because of a heel injury. He hasn't practiced all week. Assuming he doesn't play, Williams should shoulder the entire load this Sunday. Looking at how inept the Raiders' offense is, I think it's safe to say that the Panthers will have the ball early and often. Marc Bulger/QB St. Louis: The loss of Steven Jackson for this week has greatly hurt the Rams' chances of winning this week, but for fantasy owners of Bulger, it can be viewed as a positive. Kenneth Darby and Samkon Gado are expected to be the main backs for St. Louis—enough said. The Rams will likely turn to their passing game a lot more because of that, and I don't blame them. Chad Pennington/QB Miami: Some say that the Dolphins, not the Packers or Jets, won the Brett Farve saga ... er ... trade because of the acquisition of Chad Pennington, following his release from the Jets. Some might be right. Pennington has given Miami that stability they needed. That's something they didn't have last year. Pennington and the Dolphins get to enjoy the Miami weather as Seattle comes to down. The Seahawks have really struggled this season, allowing over 258 yards per game and tied next to last in INT's with three. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RBs against Detroit and Kansas City, WRs against Miami and Seattle, QBs against Detroit and San Diego. Who You Not Gonna Call Ryan Grant/RB Green Bay: It's not that hard to see that Grant has struggled mightily this year. He's started to pick it up the past few games, but that was against the likes of teams such as Indy, Atlanta, and Seattle. He gets to face the Vikings' stout run defense this week, and you know Kevin and Pat Williams are licking their chops. Literally, you think those guys got to be that size by going on a diet? Heck no, and the Packers running game will feel their wrath this weekend. Joseph Addai/RB Indy: You know I'm grinning writing this one. [Ed's note: Alex hated Addai in the preseason.] And considering I'm a Steelers fan, I'm grinning even more. A Steelers' defense that shut down both Brandon Jacobs and Clinton Portis should have no trouble shutting down Addai. Matt Forte/RB Chicago: Lots of bad running back starts this week, eh? Forte is another guy to stay away from. Despite Kyle Orton's optimism, he's unlikely to play this week. That means Rex "He's our quarterback" Grossman would start. Albert Haynesworth and the rest of the Titans defensive line should manhandle the line of scrimmage. I don't like anyone on the Bears' offense this week, and you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who did. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again using discretion of course. I don't want idiots syaing I told them to bench Drew Brees): RBs against the Jets, Tyler Thigpen (not anymore...), Oakland WRs, QBs against Indianapolis
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Week 9 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. I, "A-Koz," will permanently be taking over the the name calling duties while Tosten will write the "Running the Wire" articles, which he forgot to didn't put up this week. I wasn't too shabby last week. For a rook at this section, I could've done worse. You know what rookie struggled last week? Matt Ryan—yeah, call me psychic. Okay, enough bathing in my own self-gratitude. It's a new week, election week. What players have my vote and which ones don't? Who You Gonna Call Kyle Orton/QB Chicago: Had someone said to you, "Kyle Orton is going to be worth starting this year," you would've told them to retire from the game on the spot. But oh, how times have changed. Orton has thrown for at least 280 yards his past three games; that span included a game in Detroit in which he threw for 334 yards and two touchdowns. Now, Orton faces at home the Lions, which rank 31st in the league in pass defense. If there's one thing that will never change, it's that inserting a player facing the Lions into your starting lineup is a good idea. Kevin Walter/WR Houston: Andre Johnson is the big-named, big-play wide receiver on the Texans, but don't ignore Walter. He's got good height, standing tall at 6'4", and with Johnson drawing most of the attention from opposing defenses, Walter gets a lot of opportunities. Case in point: with Johnson putting on a clinic last week, Walter hauled in two touchdowns. Minnesota's pass defense isn't its strong point, and you can bet Houston realizes that. Wes Welker/WR New England: Bob Sanders is back for the Colts this week, but Marlin Jackson is done for the year. That means Kelvin Hayden will be assigned to Randy Moss, with Joe the Plumber on Welker. Sunday night, big stage, big game, in New England? No doubt about it. Welker should be in for a nice night. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RBs against Detroit and Kansas City, WRs against Miami and Seattle, QBs against Detroit and San Diego Who You Not Gonna Call Jamal Lewis/RB Cleveland: Lewis hasn't been that bad all year, but anyone who goes against the Ravens isn't a strong start. The Ravens are only giving up 64.3 yards per game, and the last time Lewis faced Baltimore, he only had 56 yards. The Browns offense as a whole hasn't been the same this year, and I wouldn't expect it to pick up against a stout Ravens defense. Lee Evans/WR Buffalo: I saw that Gage has him as his mancrush this week, but I have to disagree with him. While the Jets pass defense as a group hasn't been very good, Darrelle Revis has; he's only allowed one touchdown all year long. Revis should blanket Evans all game long. It doesn't matter how much chemistry you have with a QB—you won't produce if you can't get open. Aaron Rodgers/QB Green Bay: Granted, there are worse QB plays than Aaron "I'm now Stinkin' Rich" Rodgers, but if you have better options, bench Rodgers this week. The Titans' defense is tough, and Albert Haynesworth and that vaunted Titans' defensive line can really disrupt an offense. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again using discretion of course. I don't want idiots syaing I told them to bench Drew Brees): RBs against Tennessee, Tyler Thigpen, Oakland WRs, QBs against Indianapolis We don't have an island of hair on our head. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Week 8 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. This week A-Koz fills in for Tosten Burks. Ready. Set. Sit? Or start? These are the questions we ask ourselves every week when trying to create the best starting lineup possible. It's no easy task, especially when half your team is either hurt or suspended. But enough about my crappy 2-5 team. This is all about you. Geez, give me a tie and call me a politician. Don't worry about me lying to you, though. You have enough on your plate; who are guys you should start and the ones you should sit? Who You Gonna Call Santana Moss/WR Washington: Moss has been a lot more consistent this season than in seasons' past, recording at least 75 yards in four of six games this year. He's also gotten to show off his speed, too, having a reception of at least 20 or more yards in four of six games. Now he gets to face the Lions who rank 31st in the league in pass defense. Their starting safety Dwight Smith has been ruled out for this game, leaving LaMarcus Hicks, a guy who has spent most of his days on the practice squad, man the last line of defense. Somewhere, the Redskins' offense smiles. Matt Cassel/QB New England: I gotta admit, I didn't have faith in the guy. Until last week. On center stage last Monday night, Cassel stepped up, making smart throws that lead to three touchdown passes. That performance has to be a huge boost to his confidence. And not only his, but Randy Moss', too, who caught two of Cassel's TD passes. Granted, the Rams defense has been tough as of late, but it certainly isn't one that'll keep anyone up at night. Trent Edwards/QB Buffalo: Matt Cassel not an option? No worries—pick up Trent Edwards at your local waiver wire. Edwards has been very efficient this season, tallying up a 70-percent completion percentage and an 8.0 YPA. Now he gets to face a Dolphins defense that is giving up over 235 yards per game. Excluding the Arizona game in which Edwards got hurt, he's averaging a little over 238 per. He likely isn't going to wow you, but he's consistent and relatively productive. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RB's against Detroit, WR's against St. Louis, QB's against New York (Jets) Who You Not Gonna Call Matt Ryan/QB Atlanta: He's no ordinary rookie quarterback, but he's still a rookie. Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Week 2. Here is Ryan's stat line against Tampa Bay in Tampa. 13/33, 158 yards, 2 INT's Not exactly lighting up the stat sheet. Or the fantasy scoreboard. The Eagles' defense is just as tough as the Tampa 2; Philly will give you a lot of different looks in their blitzing scheme. Ben Roethlisberger was running for his life when the Steelers took on and lost to the Eagles. I don't expect Matty Ice to fare any better. Justin Fargas and Darren McFadden/RB Oakland: The results weren't good last week against the Jets' fourth-ranked run defense, and I wouldn't expect that to change this week. Justin Fargas couldn't even earn a 3 YPC while the Jets held McFadden to 39 yards. Up next are the Ravens, currently holding the title of best run defense. McFadden—Run DMC as they call him—won't be doing much of that this week. Neither will Justin "I need a nickname" Fargas. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to sit Randy Moss) - RB's against Tennessee, Kyle Orton [Ed's note: Not any more.], Atlanta WR's, QB's against Pittsburgh We answer any and all questions at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com.
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Week 3 Name Calling

Name Calling Is Our Weekly Feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. Often in a neatly sealed package delivered late Saturday Night when I finally get to it because, umm, I want it to be fresh and current for you on Sunday morning.

My journey to Cooperstown continues. My success percentage was bumped up to 42%, giving me a .420 average. Take that Ted Williams. I'm sorry if you started Damon Huard only to watch all your points go to some guy named Tyler Thigpen after Huard went down. Or if you slipped in Ronald Curry, who unfortunately wasn't the recipient of any one of JaMarcus Russell's six completed passes. Or Cotchery. Or Cassel. Or if you sat DeSean Jackson. I'm not sorry if you benched Isaac Bruce though. I did too, so don't come crying to me. But don't worry, San Francisco wide receivers will be taken off the ignore list.

Now for my crappy predictions for this week.

Who You Gonna Call

Michael Turner - I really hope you did not sell him high coming off his huge week two letdown. BT will be back to Burner Turner form against the Kansas City Chiefs. They surrendered 300 rushing yards to an Oakland team that had no passing attack. They knew what was coming and could not stop it. Turner has a big game coming for him.

Larry Johnson - He is still alive. His heart is still beating. I think. But I know that his mouth is still running. He wants more carries. I am hoping that translates to him being more motivated to make the most of the touches he does get than to him turning into a three-year-old. The Chiefs play the Falcons on Sunday, who gave up 164 rushing yards on only 28 carries to the Bucs last week, so at least you should play him based strictly on the matchup. [Ed's note: 68 of those yards came on one play, and 98 yards on 27 carries is a 3.56 YPC.]

Matt Hasselbeck - As hard as it is to start a quarterback tossing the pork to Keary Colbert and John Carlson, it is even harder to sit a quarterback playing St. Louis. Eli Manning and Donovan McNabb have combined to drop six touchdowns on the Rams so far this season. Despite the blatant bald, put him in your lineup in normal-sized leagues.

Michael Pittman - The knock against goal line backs like this are that you can't predict touchdowns, they are too inconsistent. I am predicting them this week. Clinton Portis found pay dirt twice against New Orleans last week. Both scares came at the goal line. He never busted a run bigger than 13 yards. Selvin Young won't be exploding for 50-yarders against the Saints, and Pittman will reap the benefits when Denver gets their offense down in the red zone. Solid flex option. [Ed's note: Until Mike Shanahan gives Anthony Aldridge the goal-line carries.]

On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RB's against Detroit, WR's against St. Louis, TE's against San Diego, QB's against Atlanta

Who You Not Gonna Call

Marion Barber III - Remember when I said you usually can not predict touchdowns? Well, you can predict not touchdowns. Or something. Barber had 63 yards Monday Night against Philly. Now the Cowboys are facing a Packers team that brought Kevin Smith back to Earth with a 40 yard performance. With no scores. Adrian Peterson had 100 and 1, which as crazy as it sounds are mediocre numbers for him, at Green Bay in week one. Barber doesn't have the yard output to make up for the touchdown deficiency I expect from him this week.

Earnest Graham - Graham didn't live up to the expectations people had for him week two against the Falcons after seeing Michael Turner tear Atlanta up the week before. His numbers have been inflated thus far by a 46 yard run week one and a 68 yarder last week. He's not a speed demon, but a downfield back, so I cannot expect him to do that very often. He scares me. Warrick Dunn is stealing more touches than people think, and making just as much if not more out of them than Graham has. Chicago ain't a cakewalk either; they have shut down Joseph Addai and contained the Panther Pals yardage-wise so far this season. Sit Graham in medium sized leagues.

Brett Favre - Ed Hochuli is not reffing the game and Chargers opponents have already gotten all their impossible leaping catches at the back of the end zone out of their system. Without those two factors, the Bolts have a shut down defense and are Super Bowl contenders. Plus Tony Kornheiser will repeatedly jinx Bretty Boy during the MNF broadcast by predicting 11 touchdowns and 932 yards, causing Favre to embarrassingly flop on national television. He is an average option at best, so I hope you don't have to depend on him this week.

Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to sit Randy Moss) - RB's against Tennessee, Kyle Orton, Atlanta WR's, QB's against Pittsburgh

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Week 2 Name Calling

Name Calling Is Our Weekly Feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. Usually in a neatly sealed package delivered late Saturday Night when I finally get to it because, umm, I want it to be fresh and current for you on Sunday morning.

Hmm... Let's see here. Looking back at the scoreboard from last week, how did I do? Start Willie Parker, ok check. Sit Marques Colston, yep that turned out well. Bench Tom Brady's cologney piece of balogney, (shooting myself in the temple for that as I speak, don't you worry) alright. Oh, and here's this one, start Dante Rosario, yep that was a winner. What? You don't remember me saying that stuff? I swear, I swear. Right here on page... ok. That's bull crap. Who knew Rashard Mendenhall wasn't a goal line back? Who knew Eddie Royal was a stud? Who knew Robert de Niro and Al Pacino would suck so bad? Not me.

So take these name calls with a grain of salt. Season your lineups with your own research and input; do not simply regurgitate what I say onto your roster. Because most of the time, that's exactly what it will be, regurgitation. Ralph. Vomit. I said to sit Donovan McNabb. Seven days later he's the best quarterback in football. Plug in Laurence Maroney? Please. Belichick doesn't hate him any less than last year. Every single schmoe fantasy advice giver has said some variation of this exact same sermon, and I probably ripped off about 38 different guys's format for said post, but it's important that you understand. Be confident, not fixated with me. But back to the non-sappy, non-preachery, non-waste-of-time-retarded stuff that you hopefully didn't already know.

My current winning percentage is 40%. I'd be a hall of fame baseball player! Chad Pennington was genius and I didn't see him on any other experts radar. The MoJo and Taylor predictions were money. Derrick Mason? The Carolina 5 letter abbreviation nickname wrecking crew duo of DWill and JStew? Call me whatever names you want about that. Call and ignore these people for week 2. Who You Gonna Call

Eli Manning - I hate Eli Manning. He's not good at football. He's not good at double stuffed racing. Plus his hair is funny. He's a good Trent Dilfer with a better last name, ok. Shoot me. But this week he plays the early season least-favorites, the St. Louis Rams. They got crushed by McNabb and all his tendinitis glory. With Plax looking as good as any wideout in the league, don't hesitate to put this bad actor into your starting lineup. Damon Huard - Here is a spot start for ya. Oakland let the likes of Eddie Royal, Darrel Jackson, and Brandon Stokely help Jay Cutler drop 300 passing yards against them. Larry Johnson will be the defensive focus of the Raiders so Dwayne Bowe will have some room to run around and do his thing. Rex Ryan has gray; Huard will have gold this week. Or at least some bronze. A touchdown or two.

Willie Parker - I'm not sure if I believe he's Fast and Wily Superman Willie Parker again, but for week two he will be. Pittsburgh is playing Cleveland in primetime Sunday Night and the Browns gave up three rushing touchdowns to the Cowboys in their first game. Big Ben is hurting a bit, so Tomlin will rely on the run more. Parker will benefit and can not be benched even in the smallest of leagues.

Reggie Bush - With Colston out, Bush is the number two pass catcher on the debth chart behind Shockey. He proved he's still the explosive, shifty, make plays type of guy that we saw Chris Berman make sound effects for in college. He has huge opportunities now. He'll make the most of them and is a must start in every league format.

Jerricho Cotchery - He's real. Last week was not a fluke. 2007 was his warm up season, 2008 is when he breaks out. Cotchery is Favre's number 1 option in the passing game, and Coles, if he even plays after being limited in practice all week, has been quoted as saying he doesn't yet "have a feel" for Favre. Don't let the New England match up scare you. Their secondary is actually a bit weak. You can't pass on Cotch in a 12 teamer.

Ronald Curry - Lost in the Tom Brady injury madness in the first Pats game of the season was the fact that Randy Moss was still a monster, putting up 116 and a score against Kansas City. That was with Matt Cassel throwing him the ball. Oakland plays the Chiefs this week and coming off a game in which Jamarcus Russel actually looked solid, dropping two scores, the passing game should click. It's tough to read who the number one receiving option is right now, but Ronald Curry supposedly had the leg up all pre season and is the best looking wideout of the bunch. I'd take a risk on him in a standard 12 team league.

Matt Cassel - If Chad Pennington and Greg Camarillo can do it, anyone can do it. A week later and the New York Jets still have injury issues in the secondary. Cassel has the little guy named Randy Moss who probably has the ability to dominate fill in backup cornerbacks. The best part though? How do you gameplan against someone who hasn't played in a game in about 38 years? Cassel has not started since high school. What, the Jets are going to check that tape out and figure out how to scheme based on how he did when he was 16? From one mediocre QB to another, take a flyer on Cassel if you are a non Brady owner who managed to snag him off waivers and Brady handcuffers, be confident this week in your karaoke singing hail mary.

On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RB's against Detroit, WR's against St. Louis, TE's against San Diego, QB's against Atlanta

Who You Not Gonna Call

Drew Brees - Ya, ya. He's the number one quarterback in fantasy football right now. I don't buy that he keeps that up, at least at first, without Marques Colston. David Patten, Devery Henderson, and Robert Meachem are not the wide receiving corps of a top fantasy option.

Steven Jackson - It took stud rusher Clinton Portis 23 carries to just get to a measly 84 rushing yards, an average of 3.6 a touch, against the Giants last weekend. SJax and the Rams look horrible already and if you can, I'd pass up starting Jackson against a New York defense that looks very solid against the run. Aww first round picks...

Desaun Jackson - Let's not dub him Jerry Rice just yet. The Eagles played the super bowl least-favorite St. Louis Rams week one. Whoop dee doo. I'm not jumping the McNabb and friends train just yet. Especially not with them playing a Browns team that shut down the high powered Cleveland Browns passing game last week.

Derek Anderson - Think Anderson's bad streak at the end of last season was a fluke? Look at his week one totals against the 'Boys. Now look at his matchup this Sunday, Pittsburgh. Mat Schaub was less than good against the Steelers last week and don't expect a slumping DA to do much better.

Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to sit Randy Moss) - RB's against Tennessee, Kyle Orton, San Francisco WR's

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