Week 8 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. This week A-Koz fills in for Tosten Burks. Ready. Set. Sit? Or start? These are the questions we ask ourselves every week when trying to create the best starting lineup possible. It's no easy task, especially when half your team is either hurt or suspended. But enough about my crappy 2-5 team. This is all about you. Geez, give me a tie and call me a politician. Don't worry about me lying to you, though. You have enough on your plate; who are guys you should start and the ones you should sit? Who You Gonna Call Santana Moss/WR Washington: Moss has been a lot more consistent this season than in seasons' past, recording at least 75 yards in four of six games this year. He's also gotten to show off his speed, too, having a reception of at least 20 or more yards in four of six games. Now he gets to face the Lions who rank 31st in the league in pass defense. Their starting safety Dwight Smith has been ruled out for this game, leaving LaMarcus Hicks, a guy who has spent most of his days on the practice squad, man the last line of defense. Somewhere, the Redskins' offense smiles. Matt Cassel/QB New England: I gotta admit, I didn't have faith in the guy. Until last week. On center stage last Monday night, Cassel stepped up, making smart throws that lead to three touchdown passes. That performance has to be a huge boost to his confidence. And not only his, but Randy Moss', too, who caught two of Cassel's TD passes. Granted, the Rams defense has been tough as of late, but it certainly isn't one that'll keep anyone up at night. Trent Edwards/QB Buffalo: Matt Cassel not an option? No worries—pick up Trent Edwards at your local waiver wire. Edwards has been very efficient this season, tallying up a 70-percent completion percentage and an 8.0 YPA. Now he gets to face a Dolphins defense that is giving up over 235 yards per game. Excluding the Arizona game in which Edwards got hurt, he's averaging a little over 238 per. He likely isn't going to wow you, but he's consistent and relatively productive. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RB's against Detroit, WR's against St. Louis, QB's against New York (Jets) Who You Not Gonna Call Matt Ryan/QB Atlanta: He's no ordinary rookie quarterback, but he's still a rookie. Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Week 2. Here is Ryan's stat line against Tampa Bay in Tampa. 13/33, 158 yards, 2 INT's Not exactly lighting up the stat sheet. Or the fantasy scoreboard. The Eagles' defense is just as tough as the Tampa 2; Philly will give you a lot of different looks in their blitzing scheme. Ben Roethlisberger was running for his life when the Steelers took on and lost to the Eagles. I don't expect Matty Ice to fare any better. Justin Fargas and Darren McFadden/RB Oakland: The results weren't good last week against the Jets' fourth-ranked run defense, and I wouldn't expect that to change this week. Justin Fargas couldn't even earn a 3 YPC while the Jets held McFadden to 39 yards. Up next are the Ravens, currently holding the title of best run defense. McFadden—Run DMC as they call him—won't be doing much of that this week. Neither will Justin "I need a nickname" Fargas. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to sit Randy Moss) - RB's against Tennessee, Kyle Orton [Ed's note: Not any more.], Atlanta WR's, QB's against Pittsburgh We answer any and all questions at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com.
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Boldin returns, fantasy owners rejoice; What about Santonio Holmes?

After missing the past two games with multiple injuries to his face from this hit, Anquan Boldin is expected to return to action as the Cardinals take on the Panthers this week. "Q" broke both his sinus and jaw that required eight plates to be inserted into his face. Boldin may be somewhat limited since this is his first game back, but nonetheless, it's good news. Larry Fitzgerald's value will likely stay about the same. While he'll see less double coverage, he'll lose some targets. Steve Breaston's value goes down while Kurt Warner's stock continues to improve. One other piece of wide receiver news to pass along with you. Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes was caught with marijuana yesterday night. He is expected to be officially charged with possession soon. The Steelers have already deactivated him for this Sunday's game against the Giants, and it's safe to assume that he'll be suspended by the NFL. Holmes doesn't exactly have a clean rap sheet either; he had some troubles with the law coming out of college. I'd expect a suspension similar to that of Matt Jones: three games, if not more. With Holmes out, Nate Washington will fill in as the No. 2. He's a deep threat, but little else. Limas Sweed is worth a look in deep leagues, but shouldn't really be counted on. Remember, Matthew Berry won't answer the questions. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com.
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Straight Outta Mancavedom: Week 8 Mancrushes

Is there a better activity in the world than chilling down in the man cave discussing football and girls? Red-blooded American males say it in unison, "No." Of course not. This is why every Thursday (or in this week's case, late Saturday) FFWWH will let you all in on our own couch talk about football. And girls. And football playing girls. The down side? Football playing girls don't matter in the type of fantasy football that this site is specifically about. So uhh, we kind of had to improvise and work with what we have. So, umm, this feature will be about our mancrushes. (Ya, ya, cue the "figures, he's from California" jokes, blah, blah.) Moving on. Here's each of our respective mancrushes for week eight. Tosten Burks Roy Williams, the safety, is out for a while. Cornerback Terence Newman has not practiced yet this week. Pacman, Pacman, Pacman—the Dallas secondary is torn up. The Tampa pass offense will ball up. Antonio Bryant, addressed here, should have an absolute field day. Like No. 1 WR numbers field day. Start him everywhere. Stat Guy So I hear J.T. O'Sullivan might lose his job to Shaun Hill. I also hear there's a new coach that will shake things up in San Francisco. Yet I still like O'Sullivan so much so that he's my mancrush of the week. You can look at the real life side of view—he's had a passer rating below 70 in each of the past four weeks—but I see that he's had eight touchdowns since week two, and he's playing the Seahawks this week. Which brings up my second point: the Seahawks are second-worst against opposing QBs in terms of fantasy points per game. And they haven't even played any great QBs either—Edwards, O'Sullivan, Bulger, Eli, Rodgers and Garcia. I'm calling 250 yards and two or three scores for O'Sullivan this week. A-Koz Can you have a bigger mancrush on a guy? I think not. I'll take a page out of Jon Kitna's book and guarantee that Clinton Portis has a near career day against the hapless Lions this week. Portis has been tearing it up all year long, including rushing for 100 or more yards in his past four games. Looking at the Lions defense—well, there isn't much to look at. They rank 31st in the league against the run, giving up over 160 yards per game. Washington is coming off of a bad loss to St. Louis two weeks ago and a narrow victory against a struggling Browns team, so you know they're looking to take out some of their anger on Detroit. Gage Arnold Anyone know who to contact for advertising on milk cartons? We talk to strangers. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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News From Ball Street

News From Ball Street is like news from Wall Street. It rhymes, see what we did there? Here we watch the stocks (ehh, ehh?) of players who are rising and falling, and decide whether you should target these shooting and sinking stars. Clever, I know. I used to have an old third cousin twice-removed from my uncle or something who always used to wake up every morning and say, "Another day, another dollar." Try telling that to stock brokers. Nowadays it's "Another day, another dollar," strikethrough text and all. The DOW dropped another 500 points Wednesday. Reportedly, our stock market continues to weaken because traders are worried that the global economy is weakening. Kind of like since everything sucks, so do we. Make sense? Yeah, I didn't think so. You should be in the mindset of finding the jewels among the crap. The bright spots among the darkness. The Seinfield reruns among crappy modern sitcoms. That's not to say that avoiding the Paris Hilton's My New Best Friend's out there is not important, because it is. You have to equally stay away from the pyrite. Through listening to the archaeologist. Stock Up Mewelde Moore/RB Pittsburgh—The 26 year old certainly has made the most out of his opportunities. Filling in for an injured Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall, Moore has proven himself to be a fully capable NFL starting running back, putting up 250 total yards and three touchdowns in his two starts. However, Parker will be back soon, very probably this week, and while Mewelde has definitely cemented himself as the third-down back and will surely continue to be highly involved in the Steelers offense, he's only a backup. Course of Action: Sell Houston Passing Game—Andre Johnson, who started off slow, has averaged 150 receiving yards over the past three weeks, including a 131 and one performance against the third-ranked Indianapolis pass defense. Matt Schaub has thrown for 646 yards in the two games since coming back from his injury. Owen Daniels is starting to show that he can consistently produce solid numbers. Get them all right now if you can. Course of Action: Buy Steven Jackson/RB St. Louis—Over the course of Jackson's past three games, he's had a week with 188 yards and a score, 111 yards and nothing, and 176 yards and three scores. In that middle game, he was without Orlando Pace. Pace is back. So is SJax. Course of Action: Buy (if you can) Stock Down Ronnie Brown/RB Miami—I sense that people never really believed in Brown. No one truly bought that a guy coming off an ACL injury could fly back to the top of the league so quickly and score eight touchdowns in four weeks. Now that he's had 77 total rushing yards in his past two games, swoop in and snag him from the doubtful owners. The only two defenses who have really shut him down are the Ravens and Jets, the best and fourth-best run defenses in the NFL, respectively. Course of Action: Buy Dwayne Bowe/WR Kansas City—Bowe has dropped three straight touchdown-less weeks with under 90 yards. Losing the top two quarterbacks, Brodie Croyle and Damon Huard, on an already weak depth chart to season ending injuries and having Tyler Thigpen or Quinn Gray as replacements does not help your cause. Get rid of him while you can. Course of Action: Sell Roy Williams/WR Dallas—I could plug any Cowboy in this hole. The entire franchise is rapidly losing value. But not in a "Crap, the Titanic is sinking" way—more like "It's the bottom of the ninth and the Yankees are down one with one on as Reggie Jackson comes to the plate." Just wait. It'll resurrect. Coming off a goose-egg weekend, Williams can be had on the cheap. When Romo returns next month, he'll be a stud again. Might as well get him when it's easy and stash him on the bench. Course of Action: Buy We talk to strangers. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Kellen Winslow Suspended, LJ Next?

Suspensions are going around like a cold these days. Or like NFL fines. Unlike bye weeks, they're unexpected (unless you play in an IDP league and owned Pacman Jones—who didn't see that coming?) and can really shake up your lineup. Which players' wallets will be a little emptier this week? - As the title states, the Browns have suspended tight end Kellen Winslow for comments he made about how the Browns handled his time in the hospital. Winslow was quoted as saying that he "felt like a piece of meat." Winslow's suspension will last one game, this week in Jacksonville. Tally up another woe of the Browns' offense this season. And though the Jacksonville pass defense hasn't been the teams strength this season, it's been getting healthier with the return of Drayton Florence and Reggie Nelson possibly coming back. Steve Heiden will likely be Winslow's replacement, but he isn't a viable pickup in most leagues. - Reports are that Larry Johnson of the Chiefs is likely to be made inactive again by Kansas City if the NFL doesn't suspend him first. Bear in mind, though, that Chris Mortensen broke this story. The very same Chris Mortensen who broke this story last season. In other words, I'm not buying this as 100 percent correct. If you ask me, I think Mort's source is Pinocchio. However, this is a situation to monitor on the off-chance Mort's report is accurate. If Johnson doesn't play, Jamaal Charles or Kolby Smith will get the the start. Neither are good options though; the Chiefs' offense is just plain terrible and they will be going against a Jets defense that ranks fourth in the league in run defense. - One other little piece of suspension news to hand down to you. Matt Jones, wide receiver for Jacksonville, has been suspended three games for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. Reggie Williams is likely to take over as the main target in Jones' absence. Mike Walker has upside, but a knee injury could cost him a golden opportunity. Got burning questions that you desperately need some random people you read online to answer? If so, drop us a line at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Running the Wire

Screwing League Mates Over By Stealing The Missing Pieces Of The Puzzle That They Need 101

According to this baseball sabermetrichemagician named Nate Silver who works for Baseball Prospectus and has become famous through his political poll predictive formulamajig blog that has been featured in big wig magazines, news services, and TV shows, Obama has a 93.4 percent chance of winning the election. McCain is all but done. Many of you I'm sure can relate. And when I say "many of you" I mean "frickin a, McCain's just like me." But as you can see, the 132-year-old hasn't given up. Neither should you. Keep scanning your wire, keep pulling trades, keep trashing the guy who drafted Tom Brady (if that's not you). You still have a 6.6 percent chance of winning your league! Gold Wire Pickups Antonio Bryant/WR Tampa Bay: Week seven seems like a surprise coming-out party for Bryant, but in reality, he had it coming. He is 10th in the league in targets, above names like Terrell Owens, Plaxico Burress, and Calvin Johnson. Jeff Garcia confirmed his role as Tampa's starting QB, mainly through dominating the Seahawks with successful connections to Antonio. All signs point to him being the number one option for the Bucs. Greg Camarillo/WR Miami: Chad Pennington continues to impress, and the main beneficiary has been Camarillo. He has had four or more catches in each of the past five weeks, and has clearly emerged as the go-to wide out in the Miami offense. His consistency makes him more than worthy for a bench spot in normal-sized leagues. Sammy Morris/RB New England: After absolutely brutalizing the Broncos on Monday Night Football during the first half (138 yards and a touchdown), Morris went down with what the Pats called a knee injury. The news on Tuesday is that Belichick calls him day-to-day and that he has been seen walking around without a limp. If he's good to go, Morris has the potential to be a solid #3 option with Maroney now on injured reserve and some guy named Benjarvus Green-Ellis being the only legitimate carry hawk. Copper Wire Pickups Javon Walker/WR Oakland: Apparently he has recovered from his Vegas beat down. Putting up 75 yards plus a touchdown on five catches, Walker showed the first flashes of better than badness from a Raider receiver all year. Expect increased production in the Oakland offense as the year progresses. Jeff Garcia/QB Tampa Bay: While Bryant looked great, Garcia looked at least decent. He dropped 310 yards and a score on the Seahawks defense, which in perspective is a lot worse than good so don't get too excited, and is a serviceable backup. Malcom Floyd/WR San Diego: He has had 60 yards and a touchdown in each of the past two weeks, mainly due to the absense of Chris Chambers. But Floyd is still a third-stringer when Chambers returns, which should be sometime in the next few weeks. He is decently ownable at the moment, possessing great red zone skills and athleticism; he has probably moved ahead of Buster Davis and Legedu Naanee on the depth chart for good, but will most likely go back to being mostly irrelevant in less than a month. Chicken Wire Pickups Maurice Morris/RB Seattle: Perusing the box scores, you will see Morris's name pop up as the most productive Seattle position player in Sunday's game against Tampa Bay. It's an illusion. His measly 68 total yards were not even a bright spot for the Seahawks' porous performance. Leave him in the free agent pool. Josh Morgan/WR San Francisco: Morgan's 86 yards and a touchdown make him a nice little... one-week wonder on a crappy team. Say no. Got burning questions that you desperately need some random people you read online to answer? FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com. We're not afraid to talk to strangers.

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Weekend Recap: Week 7

I'm an addict. And so are you. No, you won't have to share a room with Amy Winehouse or Pacman Jones. For that alone, I can say I'm grateful. We're fantasy football addicts. Aside from Texans fans, who else in their right mind would get excited when they see Matt Schaub connect with Kevin Walter? Who would toil through stat after stat in the offseason, trying to decide what running back you should put ahead one another? Who else would sit here and read this blog day after day? The answer to that is probably no one, but I digress. I'm not taking anything away from the game or the people who play it. I'll be the first person to get giddy when I see the words "red zone carries." But this game causes us to go to some crazy lengths sometimes. Without further ado, I'll satisfy your addiction. - My weekly Ryan-Fitzpatrick-spells-doom-for-Cincinnati point. Palmer is still out a few more weeks and quite possibly the rest of the year. T.J. Houshmandzadeh will get you receptions, but not much else these days. - Derek Anderson couldn't even come close to completing 40 percent of his passes this week against Washington. With rumors of the Browns turning down not one, but two first-round picks from Minnesota that would have sent Brady Quinn to the Vikings, you start to wonder how much confidence they have left in Anderson. - Clinton Portis has now had four straight 100-plus-yard rushing games. Without a doubt, this guy is a monster and I expect him to be the top back at the end of the season. - Kyle Orton is rapidly improving. With five touchdowns and zero—yeah, zero—interceptions the past three games, he's worth picking up off of waivers if you're in need of a QB. - Don't worry about Marques Colston's struggles this past week. A full week of practice with Drew Brees should do him wonders. - It seems like teams have started to figure out Miami's Wildcat formation. Bad news for Dolphins owners and fans alike. Seriously though, how long were you expecting it to last? - The Chiefs defense should be embarrassed. Nay, beyond embarrassed. There's no excuse possible to explain how you let LenDale White break off an 80-yard run. - In a non-fantasy story, Tyler Thigpen was Kansas City's leading rusher against the Titans. Hard to put things in bigger perspective than that.
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