Wednesday, January 7

Jacking ESPN's Material: 2009 Predictions by Zach Fein

I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you. Not all that Matthew Berry is associated with is bad. Take Anne Hatheway. Or this blog. Or Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles. Or the prediction survey that he and the rest of Bristol's resident loser table fantasy guys put out for the new year. The thing that I'm thieving and in which plugging my own answers. Arrest me. Now, with less Tosten. Your name: Zach Fein But you wish to be referred to as: Zach You're a shameless, unabashed fan of: Using stats to back your case But we shouldn't hold it against you because: Yeah, fan bias is a lot better. Your fondest sports wish for 2009 is: That my NFL postseason predictions for the 2009 season are exactly correct. Why will this happen/not happen? I picked a Patriots/Seahawks Super Bowl this year. Who is your biggest sleeper pick for 2009? Matt Hasselbeck How high would you reach for that sleeper in a draft? Tenth round or so, as the No. 2 on a rotating-starting-QB team. Which player are you buying into but is most likely to disappoint you? Matt Hasselbeck Which player are you not buying into but is most likely to disappoint everyone else? Chris Johnson Who will be the best rookie to emerge in 2009? It won't be one of the two below. But who does everyone think it'll be? Beanie Wells/Knowshon Moreno Who will be... ... the first player drafted in fantasy football leagues? Adrian Peterson ... the player everyone will wish they had drafted? Clinton Portis ... the first player drafted in the NFL draft? Matthew Stafford, though it should be Andre Smith ... the first rookie drafted in fantasy football leagues? Beanie Wells/Knowshon Moreno (I just had this question...) Mad Gabs 1. In 2009, Tony Romo will be a top-two quarterback for 12 weeks, until December rolls around. 2. There is no way that I will recommend a guy with a so-called "easy"fantasy playoff schedule. 3. Le'Ron McLain will be this year's Ryan Grant. 4. Brett Favre will take the same amount of time it took last year to reach a decision and ultimately retire. 5. If you draft Ben Roethlisberger as your No. 1 QB, then good luck this year. 6. There will be 22 players who are QBs that will be drafted in standard leagues. 7. ... but only 5 players who are among those 22 will finish behind Big Ben, making him the No. 17 QB in 2009. 8. Matthew Berry will never be mentioned on FFWWH with the word "funny" in the same sentence... unless that sentence is, "Matthew Berry is not funny." 9. This is the year that Chris Mortensen finally beats out Adam Schefter or Jay Glazer to a breaking news story that turns out to be correct. 10. 2009 will forever be remembered as the year of Joe Flacco's playoff run to the Super Bowl. The Name Game Tom Brady or Peyton Manning? Peyton. Michael Turner or LaDainian Tomlinson? Turner Randy Moss or Calvin Johnson? Moss, I guess, but these guy will be drafted too early anyway Antonio Bryant or Marques Colston? Colston. Is this even a real question? Brandon Jacobs or Marion Barber? Jacobs DeAngelo Williams or Clinton Portis? Portis Playing with Numbers Adrian Peterson's yards and touchdowns: 1,525; 9 (that's total yards and total TDs) Drew Brees's yards and touchdowns: 4,920; 32 Tom Brady's yards and touchdowns: 4,150; 31 (he misses the first two or three games) Kurt Warner's starts: 15 3/4 Braylon Edwards's yards, touchdowns, and drops: 950; 6; 8 Chad Ocho Cinco's yards and touchdowns: 860; 7 Chad Ocho Cinco's ridiculous statements: 12. With the actual name "Ocho Cinco" on his jersey, his R.S. rate will ascend. Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace What question do you wish you had been asked on this survey? Who's your mancrush of 2009 going to be? And the answer is? Brandon Jacobs What question are you glad you weren't asked? Do you want to answer the second-to-last question on this survey? Sucker! Now you have to answer. Nope.

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