Check it out knuckas, we got a remodel. Layout changes and all that jazz. More details after the leap. (Heck ya, we have a leap now.)
Just to sum everything up so you know exactly what to complain about in your feedback email.
- We added a third column to make your FF With Hair viewing enjoyment 33 percent better. (Stat Boy notes: Actually, it's 50 percent better. Before, there were two columns, now three; three divided by two equals 1.5. Even better!)
- The site now has two hues of yummy brown. We wanted to reflect the chaos of the world and depict an escape of color that both shades and details the transition of life and temporary nature of our fantasy football essence. Or something. Just think of it as new giftwrap.
- As bragged above, now you have to make one more click in order to read posts. Fun, fun.
- There's some other minor differences that I would guarantee you don't even notice. If you can nitpick and find them, hit up the inbox and we'll buy everyone cookies. Yay.
As always, yell at us at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com, tell your friends about this site, and all that other stuff that reveals how needy, desperate, and retarded we are.
P.S. This is Tosten. I wrote this. Not Zach. Just making sure that gets out there because I don't want to slap anyone else's reputation in the face other than my own if I don't have to.
Saturday, December 13
Sorry this is being posted late. I've been playing around all day creating this super cool FFWWH widget. It feeds every single piece of analysis, news update, preview, and spotlighted stat that is ever written by the mega awesome FF With Hair guys who are always available to answer any of your questions. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com. Bam. I just added it to my facebook. Shapow, now it's bookmarked on del.icio.us. And now it's embedded on this here very blog. You can take it anywhere. It's the perfect Christmas present. Actually it's just perfect, period. Kinda like the following group of players for Week 15. Transition jubilation! Tosten Burks Screw you Chargers. I can't believe I'm a fan. I can't believe I own a Tomlinson jersey. I can't believe I read blogs about your franchise. I can't believe you're 5-8. I can't believe a San Diego banker hasn't foreclosed Norv Turner's house in his face. I hate it. Tony Gonzalez loves it. San Diego has been burned by the following list of tight ends this year: Dante Rosario, Tony Scheffler, Dustin Keller, Zach Miller, Mark Campbell, Gonzalez once before, Matt Spaeth, Dallas Clark, Justin Peelle, and Miller another time. Have you even heard of half those guys? The Chargers can't stop tight ends. And this week, starting safety Clinton Hart is out, leaving Steve Gregory to man up Tony Gonzalez. Gregory has only started one game in his entire life. Last week. He'll get plenty of help, but San Diego's been double teaming tight ends all year. Expect huge numbers from Gonzo. Zach Fein What if I told you that the quarterback that has the fourth-most fantasy points in the last four weeks is currently on your waiver wire? And that said quarterback has more fantasy points in that period than Kurt Warner, Peyton Manning, and Tony Romo? And that only three have more touchdowns in that period? And that said quarterback has the ninth-most passing yards in that period? Oh, you're interested? Shaun Hill goes against a Miami team that is allowing more than 15 fantasy points a game to quarterbacks since Week Six (if you take out a negative-fantasy-point performance by Marc Bulger two weeks ago). Quarterbacks are averaging 253 yards and a score in that time frame, again without Bulger's game. There's no reason Hill should be on the bench in any league this week, let alone on the waiver wire. Pick him up if he's available and start him for a 20-point week. Alex Kozora
When your star player is unhappy, you know you better reverse that story. Case in point: Clinton Portis, disgruntled about not getting many carries last week, blasted Jim Zorn on the John Thompson show on December 9th. Apparently, everything between Zorn and Portis has been settled, but you know that Zorn and the Redskins coaching staff will make sure to keep their star running back happy. And what a better time to do so than against the lowly Bengals who rank a paltry 23rd in the league against the run. Portis is almost guaranteed points. If Rachel Ray made a fantasy football recipe, these would be the ingredients.We're techno-hip! FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. The only thing I hate more than the complete mess that is the Cowboys' locker room, seriously, they're acting more like the cast of The Hills than a football team, is writer's block. To be honest, I have nothing introduction-worthy. My mind is completely empty. Now I know what Jessica Simpson feels like. But you could care less about an introduction. All you need is solid fantasy advice. And my mind isn't blank in that department. Who You Gonna Call Derrick Mason/WR Baltimore: What, have you gone off the deep end, Alex? Do you not realize that Mason is going against the Steelers, the best defense in the league? No, I haven't lost it (yet). And yes, I'm well aware of who he's playing this week. In fact, that's a reason why I'm so high on Mason this week. Dating back to last season, he's averaging just under seven catches per game for 81 yards. The first time these two teams met this year, Mason went off for 137 yards on eight receptions. Mason has clearly been Joe Flacco's favorite target this year, having more than double the receptions of the next Raven (Mason, 65; Mark Clayton, 30). A big rivalry game at home with the playoffs on the line? You can bet Mason and company will be going all out. Jonathan Stewart/RB Carolina: This may be the last time I'll be able to put Smash, er....Stewart on this list. He had a coming-out-party last week on Monday Night Football against a stout Bucs defense, rushing for over 110 yards and two scores in a win over Tampa Bay. Now, he gets to face an easier defense in the Denver Broncos, who have allowed five rushing touchdowns the past three away games. Fantasy success. Chester Taylor/RB Minnesota: Little bit of a forewarning: I'd start him only in deeper leagues or if you're low on options. He hasn't gotten many carries lately, but he's made the most of his opportunities, scoring one touchdown in each of the last three games. Arizona, whom the Vikings face this week, have allowed three rushing touchdowns the past three games. See the trend? Who You Not Gonna Call Matt Ryan/QB Atlanta: Atlanta is at home this week; that's good news for fans, but for Ryan owners, it's nothing to get overjoyed about. Although Ryan is a better quarterback at home, he isn't that great of a fantasy quarterback. He's only thrown five touchdown passes at home in six games, four of those coming against the Lions, Chiefs, and Saints. Even the biggest hater of Tampa Bay would say that the Bucs defense is one of the better in the league. Don't forget how Ryan performed in his first meeting: 13 of 33 for 158 yards, two INTs and no TDs. David Garrard/QB Jacksonville: Riddle me this. What do you get when you combine an interception-prone quarterback and a defense that is near tops in the league in interceptions? A fantasy sit. That's the case with David Garrard this week, who has thrown at least one interception in four straight games. The Packers rank fiftth in the league in interceptions with 19. And though they gave up a ton of yards to Matt Schaub last week, Garrard doesn't have an Andre Johnson. And without Matt Jones, who is serving a three game suspension, his arsenal is even more shallow now. We don't have bounites on other sites. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
Another week with our honorary stat boy, Zach Fein of Fein Sports. A contributor with as much stat muscle as anyone in the business. You may not understand what he's says and use it for your fantasy leagues, but if you're in the mood to be baffled and confused, then boy does he have you covered. Because life is one big spreadsheet. This week he sees which players produce the most with the least opportunities. Here's what I don't get: people are saying that Tim Tebow shouldn't even be a finalist for the Heisman trophy because he has less than 2,600 passing yards, which is half of what Graham Harrell had. Okay, except one thing: Tebow attempted exactly 300 less passes than did Harrell. Every Texas Tech quarterback since 2002 has had monster passing stats. That's due to Tech's offensive system and the fact that they throw the ball 75 percent of the time. Prorate Tebow's stats to the 568 attempts that Harrell had, and suddenly Tebow is leading Harrell by 600 in passing yards. It's not about their raw stats, but how they performed with the opportunities they were granted. Through Week 10, Pierre Thomas had on the year 41.2 fantasy points on 48 touches. Per 20 touches, that's 17.2 fantasy points. Then New Orleans started giving him the rock—and from Week 11 on, he produced 22 fantasy points per 20 touches. No one would have predicted his breakout performance, because, after all, he was averaging 4.6 fantasy points per game. It's not about their raw stats, but how they performed with the opportunities they were granted. With the string of injuries to star performers this week, I decided to revisit my early-season article on fantasy points per touch. Which backups that will get the load of carries this week warrant a starting spot on your fantasy roster? I looked at the top-25 quarterbacks, top-30 running backs, and top-40 wide receivers on the year, plus the backups that will be starting or will receive an increase in playing time this week. I ended up adding three quarterbacks and five running backs and wideouts. Note: Touches were defined as attempts plus carries for QBs, attempts plus receptions for running backs, and receptions for wide receivers. Then I multiplied the fantasy points per touch number by an average amount of touches a starter would see—30 attempts/carries for a QB; 20 rushes/catches for RBs; and six catches for wide receivers. Players who should see an increase of playing time have their names in bold.
|Name||Fan.Pts||Pts per 30|
- You can read how much I love Shaun Hill in this week's Mancrushes (whenever they get posted).
- I also like Seneca Wallace this week. He's averaged 16.3 fantasy points in his last four starts, and the St. Louis Rams are in the bottom 10 in fantasy points allowed to opposing QBs.
- If you were thinking of playing J.P. Losman or Tavaris Jackson because the Jets and Cardinals are in the bottom five against QBs in fantasy points allowed ... don't. You deserve to lose if you do.
|Name||Fan. Pts||Pts Per 20|
- Derrick Ward is in the middle of the pack in this list. But if you remember how high he was in last week's consistency article, he's a must-start in all formats. He's going to get you 12 fantasy points this week, no doubt about it.
- Le'Ron McClain and Willis McGahee are both low on this list. That's interesting, because most think that whoever gets the load of the carries in Baltimore performs outstandingly.
- Dominic Rhodes is a top-12 running back this week. Why? He's averaging 17.9 fantasy points in his last four games where he had over 20 touches, and the top rusher on teams facing the Lions has put up 18.9 fantasy points per game.
- Clinton Portis might not get all the carries in Washington, but that shouldn't make Ladell Betts be your flex play this week. His yards per carry on the year is only 3.3.
|Name||Fan. Pts||Pts per 6|
- I don't like using fantasy points per touch on wide receivers. What will result is that the guys who seem to get a 50-yard catch every other week will rise to the top, and the possession receivers such as Wes Welker will sink to the bottom.
- Nonetheless, it's still a fine measuring tool of production. Justin Gage is averaging 10.6 fantasy points in his past five games, including 7.7 on the year. However, he's had four or less fantasy points in five of his 10 games played. Start him if you need a high risk/high reward guy.
- Amani Toomer hasn't been all that great on the year, but in the past three games when Plaxico had no catches or was injured, Toomer's put up 8.7 fantasy points per game. He's a nice flex play this week.
- I also bolded Davone Bess. Though he's second-to-last, he's caught 20 balls for 245 yards in his last three. He won't get you a touchdown, but if you need 70-80 yards, he's your guy.
Tuesday, December 9
Screwing League Mates Over By Stealing The Missing Pieces Of The Puzzle That They Need 101 I'm guessing that about 80 percent of people couldn't care less about the waiver wire at this point in this season. Most leagues are deep into the playoffs by now, meaning that only a small amount of the best and the luckiest of American males still have anything to play for. I say that's BS. Haven't you watched any ESPN lately? Jimmy Valvano says to never give up, god dang it! Never give up! We're going to a commercial break now. Never frickin' give up! Besides, even if you're in a redraft league, you can't rebuild for next year with draft pick trades, you're not in the running to win any point total money, there's no weekly high point total payouts; if you have absolutely nothing at all to play for, can you think of anything better to do with your time than steal a stud pickup off the wire from under the nose of that dick who ripped you off in that DeAngelo Williams trade from earlier in the season and who just lost his own waiver wonder boy Peyton Hillis to injury and now is panicking, and then you can laugh in his face as he falls flat without a No. 2 running back because you exacted sweet revenge on his roster? [Ed's note: And no, that wasn't a run-on.] No? I'm the only one who is laughing wildly right now? Well, then I guess there's no reason to read on then. Besides the super secret secret prize code password message in a bottle at the end of this article.... Gold Wire Pickups Seneca Wallace QB/Seattle—The latest from the Matt Hasselbeck camp is that the Seahawks are considering shutting him down for the season. That came after scrambling, fast, athletic, failed wide receiver experiment Seneca Wallace dropped a beast of a game in Week 14 against the Patriots. Sounds like he has confidence behind him and after seeing him throw three touchdowns, I think I like him too. Tatum Bell RB/Denver—I'll be the 37,947th person to spit this cliché, meme, and joke that another Bronco running back has "bitten the dust." Hahaha. I'm so originallllll and funnyyy. It's true though. And Tatum Bell and Selvin Young are the only guys with legs left on the team. And Selvin Young is hurt. And Tatum Bell was touching the ball a little bit even with Hillis raging as a starter. Bell's the guy you want. Deion Branch WR/Seattle—He caught two touchdowns the week that Seneca Wallace broke out. Obviously he's the No. 1 option for Seneca. He could surprise down the home stretch. Copper Wire Pickups Gijon Robinson WR/Indianapolis—Robinson had 6 catches for 69 yards week 14, but he's really more along the lines of a Chicken Wire Pickup. There's no chance he passes Dallas Clark on the depth chart. But his name's Gijon. Heck ya. That's a copper wire name. Anthony Fasano TE/Miami—He's been on the list before, but is still available in more than half the leagues. He put up some decent numbers this week and has four scores on the year. He's a fine tight end if you're desperate. Chicken Wire Pickups Ladell Betts RB/Washington—Clinton Portis and Jim Zorn clearly hate each other. And when a coach hates a player, he doesn't give him the ball every play. There's touches available for Betts. Unfortunately, when he got them Week 14 he put up three yards on six carries. Not much to look at here. JP Losman QB/Buffalo—Hahahahaha. 12-3-7-9-1. That has no meaning at all. Or does it...? FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
Well, Joey Porter should be happy. Months, literally months, after Matt Jones was caught chopping up some coke with a credit card in the back of a van, probably down by the river, the NFL has finally come to a decision concerning the Jaguars wide receiver who somehow emerged as a legitimate fantasy starter this season. Jones will begin his three game suspension on Sunday after his appeal was shot down by the No Fun League. Sucks for Jacksonville; they'll never make the playoffs now.... I guess some dud named Mike Walker is going to take over Jones's starting role. Jerry Porter will get more touches too. You don't need to remember either of those names. I imagine that Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor's production will stay around the same level, so they'll continue to score touchdowns and stink. David Garrard already was a bum this season. This won't change anything. Expect probably make him more of a bum. It is a shame that the most ghetto white guy in professional sports this side of Doug Christie's breakout season would be cut short though. Although I'm sure he has plenty of fun things to do with his newfound free time.
Monday, December 8
Fantasy playoffs make us do crazy things. Though for our viewers sake, I hope no one would do anything as crazy as what this Steelers fan did in yesterday's game against the Cowboys. No, that isn't a green screen, Photoshopped, or cropped. That is a man dousing himself with water. In 19-degree weather. And that's not even factoring in the wind chill. But alas, it is our goal to quench our thirst to bring home the championship gold. Scouring rotoworld.com 24/7, refusing to do anything else until you see if Marion Barber is tough enough to play this Sunday. Or dreaming about John Clayton's injury reports in your sleep. Oh wait, I'm the only one that does that? I digress. Let's just focus on all the news and notes about Week 14. - Matt Schaub returned to the lineup this week, and so did Kevin Walter's stats, hauling in six receptions for 145 yards and a score against beat-up Packers secondary. Provided that Schaub can stay upright, which admittingly is no guarantee, Walter is a good flex option from here on out. - Pssh, so much for the vaunted Jacksonville running game this year. Neither Maurice Jones-Drew nor Fred Taylor have gone over 70 yards rushing since Week 10 when Fred Taylor did it against the Lions. Sure, MJD has been finding the end zone, but as I mentioned in my Sit/Start section, you're rolling the dice each week (see my hate for Joseph Addai). Oh yes, that was written by me. And no, I'll never let those who thought I was wrong live it down. Because that was about the only thing I was right on all year. LJ at No. 4 coming into the season? Didn't work out too well for me. - Anyone know where in the world Davone Bess came from? With Greg Camarillo out for the year, Bess has jumped on the opportunity the pass three games, averaging around six receptions and 81 yards receiving. He's quickly becoming Chad Pennington's go to receiver, and a hot waiver wire commodity. - Happen to catch Seneca Wallace's performance this week? See my take on Mark Clayton from last week and heed that advice on Mr. Wallace. And for the record, the Ravens' receiver followed up his great Week 13 game with just two catches for 13 yards Sunday night against Washington. - Tashard Choice played as well as any running back has against the Steelers this year, but once Marion Barber returns to the lineup, he'll likely be back to riding the pine the rest of the season. - After getting the starting nod from Sean Payton, Pierre Thomas appears to have earned his trust. Thomas showed his versatility catching a touchdown pass while rushing for 106 yards on just 16 carries, including a third-down run that preserved the win for New Orleans. C'mon Man! FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
Gage Arnold shows up for the first time in six weeks and gives us his Week 14 HAIRY'S awards. Well folks, here we are. Fantasy playoffs are on our doorstep and many playoff spots were set in stone this week. I'm sure that for those of you who relied on FFWWH this year, you're safely sitting in the playoffs. Listening to our advice of consistency and making sneaky deals for players with soft playoff schedules (cough, cough) will do that for ya. Let's get right to it everyone, it's time to pass out our HAIRY's. Minus all the Pink, Britney, and Madonna drama. Nor will Twilight be mentioned at anytime in this presentation.
The Sixth Sense Award (For Biggest Surprise)And the Award goes to... Matt Schaub, QB, Texans
And the Award goes to... Marshawn Lynch, RB, Bills Wow. What a stinker Lynch put up. Only three total fantasy points against the Dolphins of all teams. While they aren't what they were last year, this defense is still able to be scored on by all means. Though Lynch wasn't supposed to obliterate this defense I expected a decent output from him. But instead I was placed with nothing more than the dud he placed on Sunday.
Where did this guy come from? I mean, the name is familiar, but seriously, who is he? Schaub, coming off of a four-week layoff from a knee injury, completely destroyed the Packers secondary by scorching them for 400-plus yards. He also threw for two TDs and even managed to let his stud WR Andre Johnson have a decent game against Pro Bowl corner Charles Woodson. Pick him up if he's available; otherwise, hope you don't face him in the playoffs as the Texans are finally hitting full stride.The Last Indiana Jones Movie Whose Name You Can't Remember Because It Sucked So Much (For Biggest Bust)
Lord, Del's Cup (Awarded to the Coach who Orchestrated The Biggest Team of Stooges)And the Award goes to... Mike Smith, Falcons While Smith has done an extraordinary job with this team, he managed to possibly cost his team a playoff spot with his call on Sunday. On their own 35-yard line with time under five minutes left, Smith chose to punt the ball and promptly never saw the ball again and suffered the 29-25 loss against the Saints. This was a great game and the call could be called brave, but in my humble opinion, you have to go for it. The Falcons defense cannot stop the Saints high-octane offense, so why not take a shot and at worse you lose the ball at a decent spot, which is nothing huge for the Saints. Not saying that his team consists of stooges, just his decision was questionable nevertheless.
Paris Hilton Award (For the Player who Screwed the Most Owners This Week)And the Award goes to... Randy Moss, WR, Patriots A very, very, very below-average game for Randy against the lowly Seahawks' pass defense. Tons of owners (including myself) were tempted into the Dolphins game and wanted and expected more from the stud receiver. While his five-point stinker could have been worse, he does have the Oakland Nnamdi's up next, so expect another sub-par performance from Moss.
The Chad John... Ocho Cin.... Ochocin.... Johnson Award (For Most Overblown Story of the Week)And the Award goes to... Plaxico Burress, WR, Giants This comes as a little surprise to anyone, as we await the wording on his final verdict for shooting himself in the leg with his illegal weapon. I'm pretty sure this could not have gone worse for Plax. I mean the man shot himself, and he may even go to jail, and this guy should totally be on Best Week Ever. Have a great week everyone, and see you guys next week. You stay classy. We're on the keyboard like a boss, and we floss. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
Chris Mortensen was right, for once. Mortensen reported early this afternoon that Denver Broncos rookie running back Peyton Hillis was out for the year with a torn hamstring, which was confirmed by the Broncos, who formally put Hillis on the IR shortly after the report. "I said, 'Tatum, you can't go down. That's it,'" said Coach Mike Shanahan after Hillis went down with the injury. Hillis' injury is the sixth for a Broncos back this year; Andre Hall, Michael Pittman, Ryan Torain, and Anthony Aldridge are currently on the IR, and former starter Selvin Young has been out for two months with a torn groin. Tatum Bell and P.J. Pope will contend with Cory Boyd for the starting job. Then again, with Shanahan as head coach, you never know if he'll sign Shaun Alexander and put him in the starting role. Bell gained 68 total yards on 13 attempts in filling in for Hillis Sunday against the Chiefs. That 5.23 yards per touch average is significantly worse than the 5.86 that the Chiefs have given up on the year. Neither Bell nor Pope should perform to the extent that Hillis did (average of 16.6 fantasy points in his last four). That said, Bell should get 15 carries a game in the final three games against the Panthers, Bills, and Chargers. Selvin Young practiced fully on Friday but was inactive for Sunday's game. If he is healthy for the final three games, I like him more than both Bell and Pope. As for Hillis, feel free to drop him in even the deepest of dynasty or keeper leagues. Eventually we'll fill in for Shanny. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com