Week 3 Name Calling

Name Calling Is Our Weekly Feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. Often in a neatly sealed package delivered late Saturday Night when I finally get to it because, umm, I want it to be fresh and current for you on Sunday morning.

My journey to Cooperstown continues. My success percentage was bumped up to 42%, giving me a .420 average. Take that Ted Williams. I'm sorry if you started Damon Huard only to watch all your points go to some guy named Tyler Thigpen after Huard went down. Or if you slipped in Ronald Curry, who unfortunately wasn't the recipient of any one of JaMarcus Russell's six completed passes. Or Cotchery. Or Cassel. Or if you sat DeSean Jackson. I'm not sorry if you benched Isaac Bruce though. I did too, so don't come crying to me. But don't worry, San Francisco wide receivers will be taken off the ignore list.

Now for my crappy predictions for this week.

Who You Gonna Call

Michael Turner - I really hope you did not sell him high coming off his huge week two letdown. BT will be back to Burner Turner form against the Kansas City Chiefs. They surrendered 300 rushing yards to an Oakland team that had no passing attack. They knew what was coming and could not stop it. Turner has a big game coming for him.

Larry Johnson - He is still alive. His heart is still beating. I think. But I know that his mouth is still running. He wants more carries. I am hoping that translates to him being more motivated to make the most of the touches he does get than to him turning into a three-year-old. The Chiefs play the Falcons on Sunday, who gave up 164 rushing yards on only 28 carries to the Bucs last week, so at least you should play him based strictly on the matchup. [Ed's note: 68 of those yards came on one play, and 98 yards on 27 carries is a 3.56 YPC.]

Matt Hasselbeck - As hard as it is to start a quarterback tossing the pork to Keary Colbert and John Carlson, it is even harder to sit a quarterback playing St. Louis. Eli Manning and Donovan McNabb have combined to drop six touchdowns on the Rams so far this season. Despite the blatant bald, put him in your lineup in normal-sized leagues.

Michael Pittman - The knock against goal line backs like this are that you can't predict touchdowns, they are too inconsistent. I am predicting them this week. Clinton Portis found pay dirt twice against New Orleans last week. Both scares came at the goal line. He never busted a run bigger than 13 yards. Selvin Young won't be exploding for 50-yarders against the Saints, and Pittman will reap the benefits when Denver gets their offense down in the red zone. Solid flex option. [Ed's note: Until Mike Shanahan gives Anthony Aldridge the goal-line carries.]

On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RB's against Detroit, WR's against St. Louis, TE's against San Diego, QB's against Atlanta

Who You Not Gonna Call

Marion Barber III - Remember when I said you usually can not predict touchdowns? Well, you can predict not touchdowns. Or something. Barber had 63 yards Monday Night against Philly. Now the Cowboys are facing a Packers team that brought Kevin Smith back to Earth with a 40 yard performance. With no scores. Adrian Peterson had 100 and 1, which as crazy as it sounds are mediocre numbers for him, at Green Bay in week one. Barber doesn't have the yard output to make up for the touchdown deficiency I expect from him this week.

Earnest Graham - Graham didn't live up to the expectations people had for him week two against the Falcons after seeing Michael Turner tear Atlanta up the week before. His numbers have been inflated thus far by a 46 yard run week one and a 68 yarder last week. He's not a speed demon, but a downfield back, so I cannot expect him to do that very often. He scares me. Warrick Dunn is stealing more touches than people think, and making just as much if not more out of them than Graham has. Chicago ain't a cakewalk either; they have shut down Joseph Addai and contained the Panther Pals yardage-wise so far this season. Sit Graham in medium sized leagues.

Brett Favre - Ed Hochuli is not reffing the game and Chargers opponents have already gotten all their impossible leaping catches at the back of the end zone out of their system. Without those two factors, the Bolts have a shut down defense and are Super Bowl contenders. Plus Tony Kornheiser will repeatedly jinx Bretty Boy during the MNF broadcast by predicting 11 touchdowns and 932 yards, causing Favre to embarrassingly flop on national television. He is an average option at best, so I hope you don't have to depend on him this week.

Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to sit Randy Moss) - RB's against Tennessee, Kyle Orton, Atlanta WR's, QB's against Pittsburgh