Monday, September 22

Dum Da Dum! Dr. Originality has arrived, and he's brought the HAIRY'S with him!

Well folks, bretherens, and stalkers, here I am, now Introducing the newest member to the FFWWH Blog team... (drum roll please) ...Gage Arnold! I find myself well qualified for this well honored and gracious position, but I won't go any further as none of you want to hear my life story. So I'm all about cutting to the case on my blogs, so I won't fill your head with crazy nonsense and babbling on about how my girlfriend is amazing, or how my awful Vols are the total disgrace of the SEC. Therefore, we head on out for the first edition of the HAIRY'S. Wait, wait, wait, I totally forgot, I should have mentioned what these "HAIRY'S" actually are. These HAIRY'S are awards given to players and coaches during the week who made either great plays or calls or if they just fit the qualification in the little caption under each award. Now that we are set, we'll venture on, readers. Here we go, buckle up—it's going to get crazy. The Sixth Sense Award (for the player who was the biggest surprise) Ronnie Brown, RB, Miami Dolphins No diggity, as he was the obvious choice here. Ronnie put up four rushing touchdowns and threw for another against the Patriots. He also scampered for 117 yards and did most of his damage out of the "Wild Hog" formation that the Arkansas Razorbacks run. This man owned, but too bad he sat on the bench for 75-percent of all fantasy teams. The Last Indiana Jones Movie Whose Title You Can't Remember Because It Sucked So Badly Award (for biggest bust) Derek Anderson, QB, Cleveland Browns/Terrell Owens WR, Cowboys Just when you thought he couldn't get worse, and he would pass on the Ravens, he sucks even worse than he has his two previous games. I mean this man is nearing like Britney Spears level of sucking. (Ed Note: That was not a sexual joke—at least I hope.) Whoa! That was a pretty low shot, but still DA is about to be wanted, D.O.A., if he doesn't get his act together soon. (Ed Note: I apologize for that paragraph—I'll get the new guy up to par on how we define funny in these here parts.) it was hard to put Terrell Owens on here for the sheer fact that he still blocked and made some great behind-the-scenes plays, but TO still only had two catches for 17 yards, and as the number one WR in fantasy, he has to do better, no excuses. Lord, Del's Cup (awarded to the coach who orchestrated the biggest stooges of the week) Lovie Smith, Chicago Bears This was a tough choice, but still Lovie screwed his team. He needed this win as he has the lead on the Bucs, but lets them come back and take it to OT. But wait that isn't the best part, his players while in OT after they stop the Bucs on a 3rd down while the Bucs are on their own 10, Charles Tillman starts a fight with the Bucs and costs his team 15 yards, a first down, and the game. Love you've got to step up and be the leader and stop that stuff from happening. (Ed's Note: This paragraph was left un-edited for hilarity. I don't know what he's saying either.) The Paris Hilton Award (for the player who screwed the most people this week) Calvin Johnson, WR, Detroit Lions Paging Calvin Johnson, paging Calvin Johnson. This man showed up nowhere on the stat sheet against the lowly 49ers. There's a time when a man just needs to step up and play, and Calvin, this was your week. You were expected for a huge week, and we got nothing. This better just be a one-time deal. The Chad Johnson Chad Ocho Cinco Chad Johnson Award (most overblown story of the week) Adrian Peterson's hamstring injury What AP claimed to be "nothing" hindered him the whole game and caused him to run for only 77 yards against the Panthers. I would have expected a much better output, but here's a continual reminder to temper your expectations when AP is injured; if you own him, make sure you own Chester Taylor.

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