Monday, December 15

The HAIRY's: Week 15 Edition

Gage Arnold stops by to hand out his weekly awards for this past weekend. Momma said knock you out. Well, it seems like TO's gonna knock you out now, especially if you plot against him to take away his passes. Alright stop, collaborate and listen. As long as your name is not Tony Romo or Jason Witten, then Team Obliterator needs a script of what you "discussed." In my honest opinion, Terrell Owens really needs to get some new socks if he wants to truly escape the grips of da-feet. Yeah, that was possibly the worst joke ever. Let's just go on ahead to the Hairy's.

The Sixth Sense Award (For Biggest Surprise)
And the award goes to ... Tarvaris Jackson, QB, Vikings
Wow, what more can I say. I mean, I know the Cardinals pass defense is bad, but to let Tarvaris Jackson of all people put up four touchdowns! I mean, the Cards bent like a wet newspaper, they lied down like Britney Spears, they crumpled like a leaf. But now I have to give some kudos to Mr. Jackson. I mean while it wasn't the Titans pass defense (which got completely blown up by Andre Johnson), it still was a formidable defense and it garnered him an award. Take a bow, Tarvaris. You actually earned it, for once.
The Last Indiana Jones Movie Whose Name You Can't Remember Because It Sucked So Much (For Biggest Bust)
And the award goes to ... Clinton Portis, RB, Redskins
This was a huge surprise to me. I not only expected the 'Skins to win the game, but to also blow out the Bengals and give it to Clinton for some nice garbage time as he ran for some nice yardage and possibly a score. But no, the 'Skins completely blow the game and Portis gets a horrible 25 carries for 77 yards. He deserves none of my kindness. I had him in one of my leagues and lost by five points because my opposing owner started Tashard Choice this week. It's times like these that psyco killers are made. But don't worry, I'm not like that, at all. On topic, Portis was disappointing, and has all but withdrawn his name for the MVP.
Lord, Del's Cup (Awarded to the Coach who Orchestrated The Biggest Team of Stooges)
And the award goes to ... Jeff Fisher, Tennessee Titans
How could you Jeff? It's fourth-and-three with 2:00 left on the clock as the Titan trail the Texans 12-13. Jeff Fisher choses to in fact go for it instead of taking his chances with his kicker Rob Bironas, who has hit a field goal from 60. So they in turn threw the incompletion and lost to a 7-7 team. This loss could help—it will keep Tennessee's guard up during the next few weeks, and they will not be able to bench their players or lighten up. Their spot is still on the line for tops in the AFC, but this still was obviously the wrong move, by far.
Paris Hilton Award (For the Player who Screwed the Most Owners Over This Week)
And the award goes to ... Marion Barber, RB, Cowboys
Marion. You are not tough and you obviously cannot keep to your word. I mean, all of this in sarcasm, but Barber still completely shot many people's fantasy playoff hopes in the foot with his two-point dinker this sunday. Why you ask? He was still in pain and truly should not have been active. Don't worry, they don't have tridents and spears in Texas, Marion, just cattle prods.
The Chad John ... Ocho Cin ... Ochocin ... Johnson Award (For Most Overblown Story of the Week)
And the award goes too ... (surprise, surprise) Terrell Owens, WR, Cowboys
Do I really need to elaborate? Or collaborate? This is so sad. I mean, right now I'm wiring in signs to Tony Romo on how he could keep the ball away from TO even more. I have absolutely no pity for the Cowboys or their fans. They deserve nothing more, and as long as Jerry Jones runs this show, don't expect him to get off his high-horse anytime soon to put Terrell in his place.
Keep hanging in there guys, the HAIRY's will be back next week, better than ever.
I wonder if Tony Romo would cry for TO.

1 comment:

Alex Kozora said...

Fisher getting the nod over the Bills deciding to pass it on third down with just over two minutes left, fumbling, and losing the game.

Tough call, both equally terrible decisions.