Tuesday, December 9

Running the Wire

Screwing League Mates Over By Stealing The Missing Pieces Of The Puzzle That They Need 101 I'm guessing that about 80 percent of people couldn't care less about the waiver wire at this point in this season. Most leagues are deep into the playoffs by now, meaning that only a small amount of the best and the luckiest of American males still have anything to play for. I say that's BS. Haven't you watched any ESPN lately? Jimmy Valvano says to never give up, god dang it! Never give up! We're going to a commercial break now. Never frickin' give up! Besides, even if you're in a redraft league, you can't rebuild for next year with draft pick trades, you're not in the running to win any point total money, there's no weekly high point total payouts; if you have absolutely nothing at all to play for, can you think of anything better to do with your time than steal a stud pickup off the wire from under the nose of that dick who ripped you off in that DeAngelo Williams trade from earlier in the season and who just lost his own waiver wonder boy Peyton Hillis to injury and now is panicking, and then you can laugh in his face as he falls flat without a No. 2 running back because you exacted sweet revenge on his roster? [Ed's note: And no, that wasn't a run-on.] No? I'm the only one who is laughing wildly right now? Well, then I guess there's no reason to read on then. Besides the super secret secret prize code password message in a bottle at the end of this article.... Gold Wire Pickups Seneca Wallace QB/SeattleThe latest from the Matt Hasselbeck camp is that the Seahawks are considering shutting him down for the season. That came after scrambling, fast, athletic, failed wide receiver experiment Seneca Wallace dropped a beast of a game in Week 14 against the Patriots. Sounds like he has confidence behind him and after seeing him throw three touchdowns, I think I like him too. Tatum Bell RB/Denver—I'll be the 37,947th person to spit this cliché, meme, and joke that another Bronco running back has "bitten the dust." Hahaha. I'm so originallllll and funnyyy. It's true though. And Tatum Bell and Selvin Young are the only guys with legs left on the team. And Selvin Young is hurt. And Tatum Bell was touching the ball a little bit even with Hillis raging as a starter. Bell's the guy you want. Deion Branch WR/SeattleHe caught two touchdowns the week that Seneca Wallace broke out. Obviously he's the No. 1 option for Seneca. He could surprise down the home stretch. Copper Wire Pickups Gijon Robinson WR/IndianapolisRobinson had 6 catches for 69 yards week 14, but he's really more along the lines of a Chicken Wire Pickup. There's no chance he passes Dallas Clark on the depth chart. But his name's Gijon. Heck ya. That's a copper wire name. Anthony Fasano TE/MiamiHe's been on the list before, but is still available in more than half the leagues. He put up some decent numbers this week and has four scores on the year. He's a fine tight end if you're desperate. Chicken Wire Pickups Ladell Betts RB/Washington—Clinton Portis and Jim Zorn clearly hate each other. And when a coach hates a player, he doesn't give him the ball every play. There's touches available for Betts. Unfortunately, when he got them Week 14 he put up three yards on six carries. Not much to look at here. JP Losman QB/BuffaloHahahahaha. 12-3-7-9-1. That has no meaning at all. Or does it...? FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com

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