Tuesday, September 9

Running the Wire

Screwing League Mates Over By Stealing The Missing Pieces Of The Puzzle That They Need 101

Tom Brady has a real injury. Burleson's out for the year. Joseph Addai and Maurice Jones Drew (called it) forgot how to play the game of football. One week in and owners are already scrambling to fill gaps in their roster. Here is your guide to navigating the competive seas of the waiver wire.
Gold Wire Pick Ups:
Anthony Fasano - How did no one see this coming? It honestly makes so much sense that it is pathetic his huge week one came as a surprise. Sporano comes from the late Cowboys regimen that produced Jason Witten. So does Parcells. The Tuna had his job for around 3.7 seconds before going out and aquiring Fasano. He obviously likes him. Pennington's woeful arm is not a secret so it was apparent he was not gonna be making it rain with Ted Ginn all day. To whom did we think he was going to toss his eight-yard dinks? Derek Hagan? I'd say Fasano is a legitimate starting tight end at least in 14 team leagues. It just makes too much sense.
Chris Johnson - He should have been drafted, but in case he wasn't, you should probably go get him. LenDale White is fat. Johnson is not. LenDale White is slow. Chris Johnson is not. LenDale White could eat a football. No comment from Johnson on the matter. Pick him up. He's the first Titans running back in a long time who has the potential to stay healthy for more than 4 games in a row. Sammy Morris - You people. You never learn. Laurence Maroney is a sleeper this year isn't he? Because he finished strong at the end of the season and stuff right? When Morris was out? After Bill Belichick had no other option but to hand him the ball? Nothing has changed. And that could not have been more obvious during week 1's game in which Morris led the team in rushing yards, rushing touchdowns, and yards per carry. Snag him off the wire, where he only was in the first place because bozo experts in magazines all of a sudden wanted to elope with Maroney. Matt Cassel - Dance off. 'Nuff said. Oh, and Randy Moss is pretty good as well. Copper Wire Pick Ups: Eddie Royal - Every year there is one rookie wide receiver who proves everybody wrong when they say there's never any productive rookie wide receivers. This year it's Desean Jackson (pick him up if for some reason he's available). Royal ain't a bad option though. He's a starter on the Denver offense that looked pretty darn good Monday Night, without Brandon Marshall. And when he's back, Marshall only frees up more space for Royal. He'd be a solid #4 wide out, especially in keeper leagues. Don't expect too many more 150 yard games though. Derrick Ward - On Sunday Ward proved what I've been saying all along: Ahmad Bradshaw is not the Brandon Jacobs handcuff you want. Ward had nine touches. Bradshaw had none. Jacobs will eventually get hurt sometime this season. Make sure you have Ward when it happens. Randy McMichael - McMichael led the Rams offense in catches week one. Unfortunately, the Rams offense looks ridiculously horrible. He removed some of the doubt that Saunders wouldn't use a tight end, but seriously St. Louis, 166 total yards? Come on now. He'd be a borderline starter if the Rams looked like they had somewhat of at least a college caliber offense. Chicken Wire Pick Ups: Kerry Collins - He won't ever get caught grinding with a bunch of shirtless dudes and I don't think he'll ever contemplate jumping off a bridge or anything like that. And uhh, he won a Super Bowl once. Basically he's valuable in 26 team leagues. Matt Jones - He caught six passes for 80 yards this week. Really. And no cops had to show up. I swear, I swear! Jerry Porter was out though and Reggie Williams was coming off a hamstring injury. Add him if you're desperate. Seriously. Antwan Randle El - If you believe that Randle El (or just El? That sounds way more intimidating) will have seven grabs again this season, then by all means, add him to your roster. Also, tell me how Britney's doing in the Asylum when you see her at lunch today. Dante Rosario - He'll never do this again. Trust me.

No comments: