Week 9 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. I, "A-Koz," will permanently be taking over the the name calling duties while Tosten will write the "Running the Wire" articles, which he forgot to didn't put up this week. I wasn't too shabby last week. For a rook at this section, I could've done worse. You know what rookie struggled last week? Matt Ryan—yeah, call me psychic. Okay, enough bathing in my own self-gratitude. It's a new week, election week. What players have my vote and which ones don't? Who You Gonna Call Kyle Orton/QB Chicago: Had someone said to you, "Kyle Orton is going to be worth starting this year," you would've told them to retire from the game on the spot. But oh, how times have changed. Orton has thrown for at least 280 yards his past three games; that span included a game in Detroit in which he threw for 334 yards and two touchdowns. Now, Orton faces at home the Lions, which rank 31st in the league in pass defense. If there's one thing that will never change, it's that inserting a player facing the Lions into your starting lineup is a good idea. Kevin Walter/WR Houston: Andre Johnson is the big-named, big-play wide receiver on the Texans, but don't ignore Walter. He's got good height, standing tall at 6'4", and with Johnson drawing most of the attention from opposing defenses, Walter gets a lot of opportunities. Case in point: with Johnson putting on a clinic last week, Walter hauled in two touchdowns. Minnesota's pass defense isn't its strong point, and you can bet Houston realizes that. Wes Welker/WR New England: Bob Sanders is back for the Colts this week, but Marlin Jackson is done for the year. That means Kelvin Hayden will be assigned to Randy Moss, with Joe the Plumber on Welker. Sunday night, big stage, big game, in New England? No doubt about it. Welker should be in for a nice night. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RBs against Detroit and Kansas City, WRs against Miami and Seattle, QBs against Detroit and San Diego Who You Not Gonna Call Jamal Lewis/RB Cleveland: Lewis hasn't been that bad all year, but anyone who goes against the Ravens isn't a strong start. The Ravens are only giving up 64.3 yards per game, and the last time Lewis faced Baltimore, he only had 56 yards. The Browns offense as a whole hasn't been the same this year, and I wouldn't expect it to pick up against a stout Ravens defense. Lee Evans/WR Buffalo: I saw that Gage has him as his mancrush this week, but I have to disagree with him. While the Jets pass defense as a group hasn't been very good, Darrelle Revis has; he's only allowed one touchdown all year long. Revis should blanket Evans all game long. It doesn't matter how much chemistry you have with a QB—you won't produce if you can't get open. Aaron Rodgers/QB Green Bay: Granted, there are worse QB plays than Aaron "I'm now Stinkin' Rich" Rodgers, but if you have better options, bench Rodgers this week. The Titans' defense is tough, and Albert Haynesworth and that vaunted Titans' defensive line can really disrupt an offense. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again using discretion of course. I don't want idiots syaing I told them to bench Drew Brees): RBs against Tennessee, Tyler Thigpen, Oakland WRs, QBs against Indianapolis We don't have an island of hair on our head. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Straight Outta Mancavedom: Week 9 Mancrushes

Is there a better activity in the world than chilling down in the man cave discussing football and girls? Red-blooded American males say it in unison, "No." Of course not. This is why every Thursday (or in this week's case, late Saturday) FFWWH will let you all in on our own couch talk about football. And girls. And football playing girls. The down side? Football playing girls don't matter in the type of fantasy football that this site is specifically about. So uhh, we kind of had to improvise and work with what we have. So, umm, this feature will be about our mancrushes. (Ya, ya, cue the "figures, he's from California" jokes, blah, blah.) Moving on. Here's each of our respective mancrushes for week nine. And please do not take this as a political endorsement of California's Prop 8. This is strictly a sports-centric establishment. Gage Arnold (Look who it is. Craig's List works wonders.)

Well, this week it's noteworthy that my mancrush wears Lee jeans and reels in touchdowns with them on. My mancrush is none other than Lee Evans of the Buffalo Bills.

Since rising from his sophomore slump days, Evans has stood out on a rising and young Buffalo offense and has been a target in the red zone and on deep balls. Showing great chemistry with Trent Edwards, Evans' catches have increased each week with a booming eight and seven grabs the last two weeks, respectively. With the Jets coming in, who give up the sixth-most fantasy points to opposing wide receivers, this smells like victory and a great fantasy output for a good rising star in this league. (Could the word "rising" be used any more?)

Tosten Burks He isn't flashy, just beastly. With touch-hawking Warrick Dunn unlikely to play this weekend, Earnest Graham will reap 100 percent of the benefits of playing the worst run defense in football. The Chiefs have given up on average just a shade under 200 rushing yards per game along with 14 total touchdowns, three more than any other defense in the NFL. The Bucs have a top-10 running game and when all that is consolidated into one back's hands it's hardly wrong to anticipate a league-leading Halloween Candy Graham from Earnest this weekend. Zach Fein Over 15. In the past four weeks, Chad Pennington has averaged more than 15 fantasy points per game. And on the year, his Week 9 opponent, the Denver Broncos, have given up more than 15 fantasy points per game to opposing QBs. Pennington has the fifth-most yards per game in the past four weeks as well, to go along with the 10th-most fantasy points per game. Expect 15 more fantasy points this week against the Champ Bailey-less Denver pass defense. Alex Kozora

Isn't it great when all the pieces fit together so perfectly?

Kurt Warner's owners should find that out very quickly this week. Anquan Boldin is back, and that means that the Cardinals offense is the same explosive self. Not to mention that it didn't seem like Warner and Boldin missed a beat last week. After all, they hooked up for two touchdowns. They also have a guy named Larry Fitzgerald. I hear he's pretty good, too. The Rams defense ranks near the bottom in both pass defense and points allowed per game, 25th and 30th respectively. It all adds up to a big day for Warner and the rest of Arizona's offense

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Joseph Addai Off The Injury Report and Alex Still Hates Him

Indianapolis's 25-year-old touchdown machine Joseph Addai is officially off the pansy list injury report and it appears that his hamstring will definitely not hinder him from playing this weekend against the Patriots. Other than the fact that it must really suck to injure your hammy, this is also extremely good news for Addai's continued development as a young NFL running back trying to rise to that elite class of players with the likes of Ladainian Tomlinson, Brian Westbrook, Steven Jackson, and Marion Barber. He started out this year with four touchdowns in his first four games and looked powerful early on. With his returning around the same time that Dominic Rhodes goes down with an ankle injury, I can assure you that he'll put up solid, solid numbers in the short term. He has seemed injury prone in the past, however, and I would probably sell him high after he drops a couple big weeks with Rhodes on the bench. Meanwhile, fellow hairy fantasy football writer Alex Kozora is blissfully stabbing his Joseph Addai voodoo doll cackling something along the lines of, "You still suck. Hoo Ha Ha." Just ask us your fricking fantasy questions. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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The HAIRY'S: Week 8

We've had some major technical difficulties, but we here at FFWWH have finally managed to get the HAIRY's up and running at full force. On a personal note, I've neglected this part of this blog for a while now, but I'm ready and back in full force to bring you my take and deliver sound fantasy football advice. So let's get to the chase, Cheeseheads, Bolts fans, and anyone else I've left out.

The Sixth Sense Award (For Biggest Surprise)

And the award goes to... RB Brian Westbrook, Eagles While he isn't a surprise player, Westy was coming off of a bye week, and he completely dominated a Falcons defense and showed he's a definite top-three RB for the rest of the year. He might even garner top-player considerations in a fantasy football season that has lacked a complete consistent superstar.

The Last Indiana Jones Movie Whose Name You Can't Remember Because it Sucked So Badly Award (For Biggest Bust)

And the award goes to... WR Plaxico Burress, Giants While Plax wasn't supposed to completely go off on Pittsburgh, he was at least supposed to get more than one measly fantasy point. Though he probably will bounce back and is the No. 1 target for a great team and offense, Plax still disappointed many with his lackluster performance.

Lord, Del's Cup (Awarded To The Coach Who Orchestrated The Biggest Team of Stooges)

And the award goes to... Tony Dungy, Indianapolis Colts Going for it on 4th down twice against a strong Titans defense at the beginning of the 4th quarter? Those two moves made absolutely no sense and the situation called for a conservative take on the game, yet Dungy endangered, and really even killed, his team by going for it on both downs. Not-so-wise choices from one of the better coaches in the NFL. [Ed's Note: Dungy went for it once in the 4th quarter: on 4th-and-2 from the Titans' 34 down three; he also went for it late in the 3rd, on 4th-and-1 from their own 49, with the score tied. The percentages actually point to going for it, and Dungy should be applauded for his "braveness." My opinion. —Z.F.]

The Paris Hilton Award (For the Player Who Screwed The Most Owners This Week)

And the award goes to... RB Steven Jackson, Rams While Jackson didn't even play this week, he still killed most of his owners who took a chance of starting him and left him in their lineups on Sunday morning. This despite SJax's being one of the late scratches, reassurances from head coach Jim Haslett that Jackson would "be fine for Sunday" notwithstanding. Yeah, nothing like checking back in around 2:00 on your fantasy team to see a big goose egg in a No. 1 RB slot, especially if you had DeAngelo Williams on your bench.

The Chad Johnson/Ocho Cinco Award (For the Most Overblown Story of the Week)

And the award goes to... The Never-ending Kellen Winslow Saga Where to start? The mysterious staph infection or the lies from the coaches and front office? While Winslow has claimed to have been "told to keep his infection quiet"—especially with the fact that Cleveland has had six outbreaks of staph since the 2003 season—this only makes it that much more confusing and bothering. But the suspension of Winslow for last week's game was definitely the topper of this story. With this, no one truly knows what really happened, and that's probably how it's going to stay.
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Weekend Recap: Week 8

Halloween is just around the corner. The only day of the year where taking candy from strangers is perfectly acceptable. Ah yes, one of the best holidays for kids. The most famous line from this day is "Trick or treat!". Fantasy football can be broken down into guys who are tricks, one- or two-game wonders, or treats, players who are here to stay. - Ted Ginn's performance was definitely a trick. Coming into the Bills game, Ginn had 50 or more receiving yards in a game just once. He's a speedster with a QB who doesn't typically air it out. He isn't worth owning, let alone starting. - In case you were wondering, Anquan Boldin is here to stay. After missing two games due to injury, Boldin racked up 93 yards and two touchdowns against a pretty good Panthers' secondary in Carolina. Before this game, Boldin had at least 80 yards and/or a touchdown in all four games in which he played. The Cardinals offense is running strong. - Don't even think about it. Tyler Thigpen isn't a viable option for anyone. The Jets pass defense isn't nearly as good as its run defense (23rd compared to fourth, respectively). Thigpen's weapons are fairly limited, and overall, he has to work on his decision making. - Andre Johnson has quietly had a fantastic season, including at least nine catches and 100 or more yards his past four games. Granted, these performances were against relatively easy teams, but Johnson has big talent and has built good chemistry with Matt Schaub. - Hop onto the Donnie Avery bandwagon with me. Though it's only been two games, Avery has shown his ability to get down the field and Marc Bulger reportedly "has caught up to Avery's 4.2 speed." - Brandon Jacobs' poor showing against the Steelers was a trick. Jacobs is still an extremely talented back; the Steelers rush defense showed that it was one of the best in the league. It doesn't help when your QB tips off the defense either. We are not only unafraid to talk to strangers, we're full on prepared to hop into their email van and take their fantasy football question candy. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Da Games: Early Sundayers (Beta)

In our attempt to provide every possible way for you to have more reason to kick yourself after a well researched fantasy loss, we antagonizingly analyze each and every weekend matchup. This week we test the new beast of a feature out. Give us feedback via commenting or email at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com.

Am I the only one who thinks it's a lot worse than good to send a franchise that was just busted for steroids masking agents to represent our country in London, England? That is what Sherriff Goodell wants to put out for the world to see, a banged up Saints team full of guys who fail drug tests?

U. S. A.! U.S.A.!

It seems to be the theme of the year, disappointing representations. Romeo Crennel was not supposed to be on the hot seat this year. The New England Patriots weren't supposed to be leaning on a guy named Matt Cassel. Ryan Fitzpatrick was not supposed to be the face of the Bengals.

So I guess it's only fitting that the NFL would send two teams like San Diego and New Orleans to put on for America in the international sports scene. They are some of the few correct representations in American football, showing the world the let down that this league is all about.

And that's just one story line for a week eight full of intrigue. On to the early Sabbath day games.

Oakland Raiders @ Baltimore Ravens

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Joe Flacco, JaMarcus Russell

RB - Willis McGahee, Le'Ron McClain, Justin Fargas, Darren McFadden, Ray Rice, Michael Bush

WR - Derrick Mason, Javon Walker

TE - Todd Heap, Zach Miller

Key Stat

10—the Ravens have given up less than 10 fantasy points per game to both QBs and RBs (9 and 9.5, respectively).

Our Take

Tosten Burks—In a matchup of two young, developing quarterbacks, Baltimore's superior defense will be the difference maker. Hopefully you're not forced to have any Raiders in your starting lineup.

Alex Kozora—Two fairly inept offenses here; not much to note. As I said in my name-calling section, neither DMC nor Fargas are strong plays against a tough Ravens defense.

Zach Fein—I feel bad for northern California and Maryland—this game will be a snooze fest. I'm starting one player in this game, Willis McGahee, and Baltimore's defense. Bench everyone else.

Arizona Cardinals @ Carolina Panthers

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Jake Delhomme, Kurt Warner

RB - Jonathan Stewart, DeAngelo Williams, Tim Hightower, Edgerrin James

WR - Steve Smith, Larry Fitzgerald, Muhsin Muhammad, Anquan Boldin

TE - none

Key Stat

4—Number of teams that have given up more fantasy points to opposing QBs than the Arizona Cardinals.

Our Take

Tosten Burks—Some interesting story lines for Arizona here: how much will Boldin play? What impact will he have? I don't think he'll get the touches to be up to the par of his previous production but he's still a decent start. And yes, Hightower is a better fantasy option than Edge.

Alex Kozora—Kurt Warner has Boldin back; both are starts. I like Jonathan Stewart this week. You know the Panthers want to keep the Cards potent offense off the field. To do so, they'll run the ball.

Zach Fein—This game should come down to the wire. Warner is a top-five QB and Delhomme top-10, and I'd rank the RBs Stewart, Edge, DeAngelo. Boldin should start, too, so don't play Breaston.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Dallas Cowboys

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Jeff Garcia, Brad Johnson

RB - Marion Barber, Earnest Graham, Warrick Dunn

WR - Terrell Owens, Antonio Bryant

TE - Jason Witten

Key Stat

25—he rank of the Dallas Cowboys defense against opposing WRs in fantasy points allowed.

Our Take

Tosten Burks—With the 'Boys being America's team, Wade Phillips has the pressure of that many more people on his shoulders. Which sucks, because his banged-up team will drop this one.

Alex Kozora—If Brad Johnson threw three INT's against the Rams defense, I can only imagine what'll happen against Monte Kiffin's Tampa 2. Expect a heavy dose of Marion Barber. The Barbarian isn't a bad play because of the number of carries he'll get, but the Bucs have a tough run defense.

Zach Fein—Look for the Bucs to upset the Romo-less Cowboys this week. I wouldn't start any Cowboys receiver besides TO, and I really like Antonio Bryant this week against the bad Cowboys pass defense.

Washington Redskins @ Detroit Lions

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Jason Campbell

RB - Clinton Portis, Kevin Smith, Rudi Johnson

WR - Santana Moss, Calvin Johnson, Antwaan Randle El

TE - Chris Cooley

Key Stat

73—The total number of fantasy points allowed per game by the Lions to opposing QBs, RBs, WRs and TEs, the most in the NFL.

Our Take

Tosten Burks—Basically just put all your Washington guys in your lineup and watch your bingo card blackout. I think what I just said is a positive thing.

Alex Kozora—Washington will roll, and so will their fantasy players. It'll be a good day for the Lions if Dan Orlovsky can avoid his own end zone.

Zach Fein—Start all your Redskins—Portis, Campbell, Moss, and Cooley, and Randle El wouldn't be a bad sleeper. The only Lions player I'd start is Calvin Johnson, but I'm not too happy with his matchup either.

Buffalo Bills @ Miami Dolphins

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Trent Edwards, Chad Pennington

RB - Marshawn Lynch, Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams

WR - Lee Evans, Josh Reed, Greg Camarillo

TE - Robert Royal, Anthony Fasano

Key Stat

14.3—Average points per game of Lee Evans in his past seven games against the Dolphins.

Our Take

Tosten Burks—The Bills pass defense is good, and every other aspect of both teams's D's is decent. This one will be a low scorer with solid production from Evans, Edwards, and Brown.

Alex Kozora—Should be more of the same from the Bills. An efficient Trent Edwards and a heavy dose of the run game with Marshawn Lynch. Both are excellent plays this week. With the Wildcat exposed, I'm weary of Ronnie Brown and Chad Pennington.

Zach Fein—Start Edwards in even eight-team leagues. I like Lynch more than Brown if you have both, and I wouldn't start any Dolphin besides Brown.

St. Louis Rams @ New England Patriots

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Matt Cassel, Marc Bulger

RB - Steven Jackson, Kevin Faulk, Benjarvus Green-Ellis

WR - Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Torry Holt

TE - Ben Watson

Key Stat

68.5—The amount of fantasy points allowed per game by the Rams to QBs, RBs, WRs and TEs, third-most in the league.

Our Take

Tosten Burks—I never thought I'd see the day when I got to call a guy named BenJarvus an impact player. But with Maroney and Morris both it, he could be a nice little sleeper. Cassel wouldn't be a horrible start either against a subpar Rams pass defense that will cease Haslett's winning streak as it gets torn up by Randy Moss.

Alex Kozora—Donnie Avery is a sleeper. He has the raw ability to burn you, and he's facing a beat up Patriots' secondary. Matt Cassel is a good play while BenJarvus Green-Ellis (ain't that a mouthful) is an average play.

Zach Fein—Look for BenJarvis Green-Ellis and Kevin Faulk to split the touches in the Patriots backfield as Sammy Morris ails his knee injury. I wouldn't start either one. I like Bulger more than Cassel, and I think Donnie Avery is a top-25 WR this week (but not higher than Torry Holt).

San Diego Chargers @ New Orleans Saints

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Philip Rivers, Drew Brees

RB - LaDainian Tomlinson, Deuce McCallister, Darren Sproles, Aaron Stecker

WR - Marques Colston, Vincent Jackson, Deverey Henderson, Malcom Floyd

TE - Jeremy Shockey, Antonio Gates

Key Stat

12.5—Points per game of Marques Colston since week eight of last year.

Our Take

Tosten Burks—In what I feel is the game with the most plotlines of any matchup, Colston and Shockey should come back to solid statlines, the top running backs on both sides should be good starts, Vincent Jackson should continue to produce, and backups Sproles and Stecker are both sleepers.

Alex Kozora—Still a fan of Vincent Jackson, but I'm an even bigger fan of the Saints' passing attack.

Zach Fein—In what I expect to be a very close matchup in London, Deuce McAllister should get the majority of the carries and should be a top-20 RB this week. Vincent Jackson is a nice play, but I obviously like Colston more.

Kansas City Chiefs @ New York Jets

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Brett Favre

RB - Thomas Jones, Leon Washington, Kolby Smith, Jamaal Charles

WR - Jerricho Cotchery, Laveraneus Coles, Dwayne Bowe, Chansi Stuckey

TE - Tony Gonzalez, Chris Baker

Key Stat

5.4—Difference of the PPG allowed by the worst defense against RBs (the Chiefs, at 33.5 PPG) and the second-worst (the Broncos, at 28.1 PPG).

Our Take

Tosten Burks—The Chiefs are really, really bad. Most Jets are solid plays and Gonzo is the only Kansas City guy worth even touching with a ten-foot pole as he goes up against the ninth-worst Jets pass defense.

Alex Kozora—All Jets that aren't tight ends are solid starts. I wouldn't touch anyone on the Chiefs' offense. They're going to find out that the dynamic duo of Tyler Thigpen and Kolby Smith isn't so dynamic.

Zach Fein—This one will be a 20-point blowout by the Jets. Start Favre, Thomas Jones, Coles, Cotchery...everyone on the Jets. I don't think Bowe is a top-25 WR this week, and if I had better options I'd bench him.

Atlanta Falcons at Philadelphia Eagles

Fantasy Impact Players (in order of week 8 projected production)

QB - Donovan McNabb, Matt Ryan

RB - Brian Westbrook, Michael Turner, Jerious Norwood

WR - DeSean Jackson, Roddy White, Kevin Curtis

TE - L.J. Smith

Key Stat

16—Fantasy points per game of Donovan McNabb in his past 16 starts (excluding week 11 last year when he had 11 attempts).

Our Take

Tosten Burks—Brittle Brian Westbrook finally returns, and to a standing ovation. He'll dominate the decent-at-best Atlanta defense. Jackson is a must start and Curtis, who also returns from an injury this week, possibly warrants a roster spot. It'll be interesting to see who is really McNabb's top target now that he has his full arsenel.

Alex Kozora—Sit Matt Ryan and Michael Turner. Westbrook is back and should make his presence known in a big way.

Zach Fein—McNabb is a must-start in all formats—he's a top-three QB this week. Similarly, Michael Turner and Roddy White are both top-10 at their respective postitions. We have real dogs, and we talk to strangers. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com

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Double Coverage

The feature everyone loved in the preseason, Double Coverage, is back. There have been many dynamic duos in history. Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. Batman and Robin. Peanut butter and jelly. And today, we bring you yet another great duo. Tosten and A-Koz will be giving our views on a player each week; one of us for him, and one of us against him. Today's topic: Who's the better quarterback in London? Philip Rivers or Drew Brees?

A-Koz: Start Brees Philip Rivers over Drew Brees? That's harder to understand than this. Let's take a look at the numbers. In five of his seven games, Drew Brees has thrown for 300-plus yards. That was the case for Rivers just twice in seven games, including two games where he didn't even throw for 200 yards. Brees has thrown for at least 200 yards in every single game this season. Brees has attempted 30 or more passes in all his games this year. Rivers, on the other hand, just once. Brees has now had a full week of practice with Colston. That should shake of the rust the two had last week. Shockey's status looks a lot better than it did earlier this week, too. If that wasn't enough, the Chargers rank dead last in pass defense, giving up over 254 yards per game. Antonio Cromartie's status is up in the air and even if he does play, he won't be 100 percent. The choice is clear: Brees '08.

Tosten: Start Rivers It's funny that you should toss out political parallels and analogies. That couldn't be more relevant to my main point. You see, as critics fall in love with Oliver Stone's W, fantasy owners have begun to despise Bush. The Reggie one. With a blown meniscus causing Number Five to most likely miss around four weeks, Brees loses 25 percent of his touchdown production and a shade under that mark of his yardage production this year. No amount of Colston can make that up this week against the Bolts in London. Rivers on the other hand has dropped three scores in four out of seven games this season. The number one fantasy quarterback will continue his top notch studliness in Wembley Stadium against the mediocre-at-best New Orleans Saints pass defense.

We don't have widow peaks. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com.
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Stat Boy Saturday: ...---...! Strength of Schedule Adjustments

Another week with our honorary stat boy, Zach Fein of Fein Sports. A contributor with as much stat muscle as anyone in the business. You may not understand what he's says and use it for your fantasy leagues, but if you're in the mood to be baffled and confused, then boy does he have you covered. Because life is one big spreadsheet. This week he takes a close look at strength of schedule. The Morse code distress signal (...---...) is called an SOS. Yet when Morse code was around, SOS was not an acronym nor an abbreviation. In popular culture SOS is commonly referred to as "Save Our Ship," but that phrase was added later on. I, however, refer to SOS as strength of schedule, the topic of this article. Much was made in the preseason of the Steelers having the toughest schedule and Patriots having the easiest schedule, yet so far the Steelers' opponents are a combined 13-24 and the Pats' opponents are 15-24. So what, you say? The "so what" is that the Steelers' players haven't had as tough a schedule as they were expected, and same the with the Patriots. It's time to check out the strength of schedule stats so far in 2008— But not on the team level. I'm talking about individual players. Is Marion Barber playing easy or hard rushing defenses? Does Larry Fitzgerald have an advantage because he plays in a division with the Rams, Seahawks and 49ers, all of whom are in the bottom ten in terms of fantasy points allowed towards wideouts? I love normalizing stats. So I calculated each player's fantasy points per game—if the team he was playing was an average defense that gave up the average fantasy points to opposing players at that position. Say LT plays the Chiefs and scores 16 fantasy points. The Chiefs give up 30 fantasy points to RBs each game, and the average team gives up 15. So to normalize LT's stat line, multiply his output by 0.5. Capiche? Consider these adjusted points a player's real talent level. (FYI: I looked at the top 20 QBs, the top 40 RBs, the top 40 WRs plus four other intriguing names [Driver, Ocho Cinco, Torry Holt, and Anthony Gonzalez], and the top 12 TEs plus Kellen Winslow, Heath Miller, and Dallas Clark.)

SOS adjustments: Quarterback

Name	Fan. Pts	Adj. Pts	Difference
T.Romo	18.0	19.6	1.61
D.Brees	17.5	18.2	0.68
A.Rodgers	18.8	17.5	-1.24
P.Rivers	17.5	17.4	-0.11
J.Cutler	17.2	16.9	-0.31
K.Warner	16.4	15.6	-0.86
D.McNabb	14.8	14.9	0.07
K.Orton	14.0	14.6	0.64
M.Schaub	16.2	14.4	-1.73
P.Manning	13.4	14.0	0.63
E.Manning	14.3	13.9	-0.47
J.Campbell	13.0	12.8	-0.12
D.Garrard	11.7	12.6	0.84
M.Ryan	10.9	12.3	1.45
B.Roethlisberger	12.0	12.0	0.04
C.Pennington	12.8	12.0	-0.79
B.Favre	14.3	11.8	-2.53
J.Delhomme	10.8	10.8	-0.03
T.Edwards	12.7	10.6	-2.02
J.T.O'Sullivan	11.4	10.2	-1.24

• Tony Romo gets a 1.61-point boost in his points per game due to his playing the Eagles, Redskins, Browns, and Packers.
• Aaron Rodgers' four 200-yard passing games have all come against teams in the bottom 11 in fantasy points allowed to QBs. With Tennessee, Minnesota, Chicago, and Carolina all coming in the next five weeks, I'd sell him high if I could.
• Brett Favre has only two 200-yard games, against the Chargers and the Cardinals, who rank Nos. 5 and 6 respectively in fantasy points allowed to QBs. That said, I would keep him a few more weeks before I sell high (he plays the Chiefs and Rams in two of his next three games).
• Matt Schaub has piled his stats on the Lions, Dolphins, and Jaguars, all of whom are in the bottom ten in fantasy points allowed to QBs.

SOS adjustments: Running Back

Name	Fan. Pts	Adj. Pts	Difference
S.Jackson	16.8	20.2	3.46
C.Portis	18.7	20.1	1.41
M.Barber	17.2	17.5	0.24
B.Westbrook	16.3	17.4	1.11
M.Forte	15.7	17.3	1.63
F.Gore	15.4	17.0	1.54
R.Brown	14.9	15.7	0.87
A.Peterson	15.0	15.3	0.34
M.Moore	16.0	15.1	-0.86
R.Bush	13.7	14.4	0.73
B.Jacobs	15.0	14.2	-0.85
J.Lewis	10.4	13.9	3.49
C.Johnson	14.4	13.8	-0.56
S.Slaton	13.9	13.8	-0.15
M.Turner	16.1	13.1	-3.01
T.Jones	13.0	12.8	-0.21
M.Lynch	13.6	12.6	-0.98
L.Tomlinson	11.9	12.1	0.14
W.McGahee	10.4	12.0	1.69
E.Graham	11.7	11.8	0.14
W.Parker	14.8	11.8	-2.94
C.Buckhalter	10.8	11.8	0.98
M.Jones-Drew	13.1	11.7	-1.39
E.James	10.3	11.5	1.28
L.McLain	10.0	11.0	1.03
T.Hightower	9.2	10.4	1.22
L.White	13.4	10.2	-3.12
J.Stewart	9.4	10.2	0.78
L.Johnson	12.2	9.9	-2.23
J.Addai	9.7	9.9	0.17
J.Jones	10.4	9.7	-0.62
D.Williams	10.3	9.1	-1.11
M.Pittman	9.3	9.1	-0.17
W.Dunn	8.8	9.0	0.21
Ke.Smith	8.9	8.9	0.02
S.Morris	10.6	8.6	-2.01
F.Jones	9.1	8.2	-0.95
R.Grant	7.6	7.7	0.13
D.Ward	7.6	6.9	-0.69
D.McFadden	8.2	6.5	-1.74

• Steven Jackson has played all of the NFC East plus the Bills (and the Seahawks), yet is still third in unadjusted fantasy points per game. I think he's the best RB going forward, unless...
• Clinton Portis beats him. His schedule is pretty tough going forward, but as you can see above, he's done very well even with a hard schedule thus far.
• Consider how tough Jamal Lewis' schedule has been: He's played the Ravens (1st in fantasy points allowed to RBs), the Steelers (2nd), the Giants (3rd), and the Redskins (5th), along with the Cowboys who are 16th. In his next six games he gets four teams in the bottom 13 of that stat.
• Michael Turner has averaged 150 rushing yards per game against the Lions, Chiefs and Packers (average rank is eight-worst against RBs), and 50 yards against the Bears, Bucs, and Panthers (average rank is eight-best against RBs).
• LenDale White has a 3.12 decrease, compared to Chris Johnson's 0.56 decrease, because White had a monster game against the Chiefs and barely played against the Ravens (three carries), so he didn't get a boost from the Ravens game like Johnson (18 carries) did.

SOS adjustments: Wide Receiver

Name	Fan.Pts	Adj.Pts	Difference
A.Boldin	16.7	14.3	-2.37
A.Johnson	12.5	14.1	1.57
R.White	12.4	13.7	1.22
Calvin Johnson	12.9	13.2	0.38
L.Fitzgerald	14.1	13.1	-0.96
R.Wayne	12.2	12.4	0.19
B.Marshall	13.0	12.4	-0.58
G.Jennings	13.2	12.1	-1.14
B.Berrian	11.6	12.0	0.39
H.Ward	11.3	11.9	0.60
T.Owens	10.0	11.6	1.67
S.Smith	12.3	11.6	-0.68
S.Moss	12.6	11.4	-1.26
C.Chambers	10.5	11.3	0.80
L.Evans	11.7	10.4	-1.26
V.Jackson	9.4	10.2	0.77
D.Bowe	8.8	10.2	1.33
P.Burress	10.4	10.1	-0.29
R.Moss	10.2	9.8	-0.36
L.Coles	10.2	9.5	-0.60
D.Mason	8.0	9.3	1.36
D.Henderson	8.4	9.2	0.81
T.J.Houshmandzadeh	9.1	9.1	-0.03
E.Royal	8.5	8.9	0.38
I.Bruce	9.8	8.7	-1.15
M.Austin	8.2	8.6	0.45
K.Walter	7.9	8.1	0.21
S.Breaston	8.7	8.0	-0.65
M.Muhammad	8.4	7.9	-0.48
S.Holmes	7.0	7.7	0.73
M.Harrison	7.3	7.6	0.26
J.Cotchery	8.5	7.5	-0.97
P.Crayton	7.4	7.4	0.08
De.Jackson	8.2	7.3	-0.95
B.Edwards	7.1	7.3	0.15
W.Welker	7.5	7.0	-0.49
A.Bryant	7.8	6.8	-1.00
R.Williams	5.8	6.6	0.72
L.Moore	6.6	6.3	-0.25
Chad Johnson	5.5	6.3	0.77
D.Driver	6.4	5.8	-0.58
A.Randle El	6.0	5.7	-0.37
A.Gonzalez	5.5	5.6	0.13
T.Holt	5.4	5.0	-0.31

• Aside from Anquan Boldin, no one else had a change of more than 1.7. I'm not sure why that is, though I'd guess that it has more to do with the volatility of wide receivers than the strength of schedule.
• Speaking of Boldin, his decrease is mainly due to his 140-yard, three-touchdown game against the Dolphins, worst in the league against WRs.
• It's interesting to see that Andre Johnson has an increase while Schaub has a decrease, but that is because Johnson had 130 yards against the best team against opposing WRs, the Colts.
• Santana Moss has the second-biggest decrease in fantasy points, but don't sell him high—he has the Lions, Cowboys, Seahawks, and Giants in four of his next five games, and all of those teams are in the bottom 11 in fantasy points allowed to WRs.

SOS adjustments: Tight End

Name	Fan.Pts	Adj.Pts	Difference
J.Witten	9.4	10.3	0.83
J.Carlson	6.4	9.4	2.96
O.Daniels	8.2	8.2	0.00
K.Winslow	4.9	7.5	2.61
A.Gates	7.8	7.0	-0.78
T.Scheffler	7.6	6.4	-1.14
B.Scaife	5.6	5.9	0.28
V.Shiancoe	5.8	5.8	0.08
T.Gonzalez	6.8	5.7	-1.10
A.Fasano	7.1	5.6	-1.48
C.Cooley	6.2	5.6	-0.69
G.Olsen	5.9	4.9	-1.03
Z.Miller	6.3	4.8	-1.56
Da.Clark	4.7	4.2	-0.52
H.Miller	4.1	3.6	-0.57

• John Carlson averaged 6.7 fantasy points against the Bills, 49ers and Bucs; those three teams have given up an average of 2.7 fantasy points to TEs on the year, the reason Carlson is so high.
• Winslow averaged 8.1 fantasy points against the Steelers and Cowboys, who have allowed opposing TEs to only score 3.3 fantasy points.

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Week 8 Name Calling

Name Calling is our almost-weekly feature where we help you figure out which name to call for that flex position, #3 wideout spot, or any other lineup conundrum you may be faced with. Our goal is to help you decide on borderline starters by revealing who will hit pay dirt and who will implode. None of this "start Peyton Manning" or "sit Derek Hagan" nonsense. No loving, hating, flaming, or video gaming either. Just a bit of name calling is all. This week A-Koz fills in for Tosten Burks. Ready. Set. Sit? Or start? These are the questions we ask ourselves every week when trying to create the best starting lineup possible. It's no easy task, especially when half your team is either hurt or suspended. But enough about my crappy 2-5 team. This is all about you. Geez, give me a tie and call me a politician. Don't worry about me lying to you, though. You have enough on your plate; who are guys you should start and the ones you should sit? Who You Gonna Call Santana Moss/WR Washington: Moss has been a lot more consistent this season than in seasons' past, recording at least 75 yards in four of six games this year. He's also gotten to show off his speed, too, having a reception of at least 20 or more yards in four of six games. Now he gets to face the Lions who rank 31st in the league in pass defense. Their starting safety Dwight Smith has been ruled out for this game, leaving LaMarcus Hicks, a guy who has spent most of his days on the practice squad, man the last line of defense. Somewhere, the Redskins' offense smiles. Matt Cassel/QB New England: I gotta admit, I didn't have faith in the guy. Until last week. On center stage last Monday night, Cassel stepped up, making smart throws that lead to three touchdown passes. That performance has to be a huge boost to his confidence. And not only his, but Randy Moss', too, who caught two of Cassel's TD passes. Granted, the Rams defense has been tough as of late, but it certainly isn't one that'll keep anyone up at night. Trent Edwards/QB Buffalo: Matt Cassel not an option? No worries—pick up Trent Edwards at your local waiver wire. Edwards has been very efficient this season, tallying up a 70-percent completion percentage and an 8.0 YPA. Now he gets to face a Dolphins defense that is giving up over 235 yards per game. Excluding the Arizona game in which Edwards got hurt, he's averaging a little over 238 per. He likely isn't going to wow you, but he's consistent and relatively productive. On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always call, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to start some dude over LDT): RB's against Detroit, WR's against St. Louis, QB's against New York (Jets) Who You Not Gonna Call Matt Ryan/QB Atlanta: He's no ordinary rookie quarterback, but he's still a rookie. Let's take a stroll down memory lane to Week 2. Here is Ryan's stat line against Tampa Bay in Tampa. 13/33, 158 yards, 2 INT's Not exactly lighting up the stat sheet. Or the fantasy scoreboard. The Eagles' defense is just as tough as the Tampa 2; Philly will give you a lot of different looks in their blitzing scheme. Ben Roethlisberger was running for his life when the Steelers took on and lost to the Eagles. I don't expect Matty Ice to fare any better. Justin Fargas and Darren McFadden/RB Oakland: The results weren't good last week against the Jets' fourth-ranked run defense, and I wouldn't expect that to change this week. Justin Fargas couldn't even earn a 3 YPC while the Jets held McFadden to 39 yards. Up next are the Ravens, currently holding the title of best run defense. McFadden—Run DMC as they call him—won't be doing much of that this week. Neither will Justin "I need a nickname" Fargas. Not On Speed Dial (Names you should always, always caller ID check and ignore, once again, using discretion of course. I don't want idiots saying I told them to sit Randy Moss) - RB's against Tennessee, Kyle Orton [Ed's note: Not any more.], Atlanta WR's, QB's against Pittsburgh We answer any and all questions at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com.
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Boldin returns, fantasy owners rejoice; What about Santonio Holmes?

After missing the past two games with multiple injuries to his face from this hit, Anquan Boldin is expected to return to action as the Cardinals take on the Panthers this week. "Q" broke both his sinus and jaw that required eight plates to be inserted into his face. Boldin may be somewhat limited since this is his first game back, but nonetheless, it's good news. Larry Fitzgerald's value will likely stay about the same. While he'll see less double coverage, he'll lose some targets. Steve Breaston's value goes down while Kurt Warner's stock continues to improve. One other piece of wide receiver news to pass along with you. Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes was caught with marijuana yesterday night. He is expected to be officially charged with possession soon. The Steelers have already deactivated him for this Sunday's game against the Giants, and it's safe to assume that he'll be suspended by the NFL. Holmes doesn't exactly have a clean rap sheet either; he had some troubles with the law coming out of college. I'd expect a suspension similar to that of Matt Jones: three games, if not more. With Holmes out, Nate Washington will fill in as the No. 2. He's a deep threat, but little else. Limas Sweed is worth a look in deep leagues, but shouldn't really be counted on. Remember, Matthew Berry won't answer the questions. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com.
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Straight Outta Mancavedom: Week 8 Mancrushes

Is there a better activity in the world than chilling down in the man cave discussing football and girls? Red-blooded American males say it in unison, "No." Of course not. This is why every Thursday (or in this week's case, late Saturday) FFWWH will let you all in on our own couch talk about football. And girls. And football playing girls. The down side? Football playing girls don't matter in the type of fantasy football that this site is specifically about. So uhh, we kind of had to improvise and work with what we have. So, umm, this feature will be about our mancrushes. (Ya, ya, cue the "figures, he's from California" jokes, blah, blah.) Moving on. Here's each of our respective mancrushes for week eight. Tosten Burks Roy Williams, the safety, is out for a while. Cornerback Terence Newman has not practiced yet this week. Pacman, Pacman, Pacman—the Dallas secondary is torn up. The Tampa pass offense will ball up. Antonio Bryant, addressed here, should have an absolute field day. Like No. 1 WR numbers field day. Start him everywhere. Stat Guy So I hear J.T. O'Sullivan might lose his job to Shaun Hill. I also hear there's a new coach that will shake things up in San Francisco. Yet I still like O'Sullivan so much so that he's my mancrush of the week. You can look at the real life side of view—he's had a passer rating below 70 in each of the past four weeks—but I see that he's had eight touchdowns since week two, and he's playing the Seahawks this week. Which brings up my second point: the Seahawks are second-worst against opposing QBs in terms of fantasy points per game. And they haven't even played any great QBs either—Edwards, O'Sullivan, Bulger, Eli, Rodgers and Garcia. I'm calling 250 yards and two or three scores for O'Sullivan this week. A-Koz Can you have a bigger mancrush on a guy? I think not. I'll take a page out of Jon Kitna's book and guarantee that Clinton Portis has a near career day against the hapless Lions this week. Portis has been tearing it up all year long, including rushing for 100 or more yards in his past four games. Looking at the Lions defense—well, there isn't much to look at. They rank 31st in the league against the run, giving up over 160 yards per game. Washington is coming off of a bad loss to St. Louis two weeks ago and a narrow victory against a struggling Browns team, so you know they're looking to take out some of their anger on Detroit. Gage Arnold Anyone know who to contact for advertising on milk cartons? We talk to strangers. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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News From Ball Street

News From Ball Street is like news from Wall Street. It rhymes, see what we did there? Here we watch the stocks (ehh, ehh?) of players who are rising and falling, and decide whether you should target these shooting and sinking stars. Clever, I know. I used to have an old third cousin twice-removed from my uncle or something who always used to wake up every morning and say, "Another day, another dollar." Try telling that to stock brokers. Nowadays it's "Another day, another dollar," strikethrough text and all. The DOW dropped another 500 points Wednesday. Reportedly, our stock market continues to weaken because traders are worried that the global economy is weakening. Kind of like since everything sucks, so do we. Make sense? Yeah, I didn't think so. You should be in the mindset of finding the jewels among the crap. The bright spots among the darkness. The Seinfield reruns among crappy modern sitcoms. That's not to say that avoiding the Paris Hilton's My New Best Friend's out there is not important, because it is. You have to equally stay away from the pyrite. Through listening to the archaeologist. Stock Up Mewelde Moore/RB Pittsburgh—The 26 year old certainly has made the most out of his opportunities. Filling in for an injured Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall, Moore has proven himself to be a fully capable NFL starting running back, putting up 250 total yards and three touchdowns in his two starts. However, Parker will be back soon, very probably this week, and while Mewelde has definitely cemented himself as the third-down back and will surely continue to be highly involved in the Steelers offense, he's only a backup. Course of Action: Sell Houston Passing Game—Andre Johnson, who started off slow, has averaged 150 receiving yards over the past three weeks, including a 131 and one performance against the third-ranked Indianapolis pass defense. Matt Schaub has thrown for 646 yards in the two games since coming back from his injury. Owen Daniels is starting to show that he can consistently produce solid numbers. Get them all right now if you can. Course of Action: Buy Steven Jackson/RB St. Louis—Over the course of Jackson's past three games, he's had a week with 188 yards and a score, 111 yards and nothing, and 176 yards and three scores. In that middle game, he was without Orlando Pace. Pace is back. So is SJax. Course of Action: Buy (if you can) Stock Down Ronnie Brown/RB Miami—I sense that people never really believed in Brown. No one truly bought that a guy coming off an ACL injury could fly back to the top of the league so quickly and score eight touchdowns in four weeks. Now that he's had 77 total rushing yards in his past two games, swoop in and snag him from the doubtful owners. The only two defenses who have really shut him down are the Ravens and Jets, the best and fourth-best run defenses in the NFL, respectively. Course of Action: Buy Dwayne Bowe/WR Kansas City—Bowe has dropped three straight touchdown-less weeks with under 90 yards. Losing the top two quarterbacks, Brodie Croyle and Damon Huard, on an already weak depth chart to season ending injuries and having Tyler Thigpen or Quinn Gray as replacements does not help your cause. Get rid of him while you can. Course of Action: Sell Roy Williams/WR Dallas—I could plug any Cowboy in this hole. The entire franchise is rapidly losing value. But not in a "Crap, the Titanic is sinking" way—more like "It's the bottom of the ninth and the Yankees are down one with one on as Reggie Jackson comes to the plate." Just wait. It'll resurrect. Coming off a goose-egg weekend, Williams can be had on the cheap. When Romo returns next month, he'll be a stud again. Might as well get him when it's easy and stash him on the bench. Course of Action: Buy We talk to strangers. FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Kellen Winslow Suspended, LJ Next?

Suspensions are going around like a cold these days. Or like NFL fines. Unlike bye weeks, they're unexpected (unless you play in an IDP league and owned Pacman Jones—who didn't see that coming?) and can really shake up your lineup. Which players' wallets will be a little emptier this week? - As the title states, the Browns have suspended tight end Kellen Winslow for comments he made about how the Browns handled his time in the hospital. Winslow was quoted as saying that he "felt like a piece of meat." Winslow's suspension will last one game, this week in Jacksonville. Tally up another woe of the Browns' offense this season. And though the Jacksonville pass defense hasn't been the teams strength this season, it's been getting healthier with the return of Drayton Florence and Reggie Nelson possibly coming back. Steve Heiden will likely be Winslow's replacement, but he isn't a viable pickup in most leagues. - Reports are that Larry Johnson of the Chiefs is likely to be made inactive again by Kansas City if the NFL doesn't suspend him first. Bear in mind, though, that Chris Mortensen broke this story. The very same Chris Mortensen who broke this story last season. In other words, I'm not buying this as 100 percent correct. If you ask me, I think Mort's source is Pinocchio. However, this is a situation to monitor on the off-chance Mort's report is accurate. If Johnson doesn't play, Jamaal Charles or Kolby Smith will get the the start. Neither are good options though; the Chiefs' offense is just plain terrible and they will be going against a Jets defense that ranks fourth in the league in run defense. - One other little piece of suspension news to hand down to you. Matt Jones, wide receiver for Jacksonville, has been suspended three games for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. Reggie Williams is likely to take over as the main target in Jones' absence. Mike Walker has upside, but a knee injury could cost him a golden opportunity. Got burning questions that you desperately need some random people you read online to answer? If so, drop us a line at FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com
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Running the Wire

Screwing League Mates Over By Stealing The Missing Pieces Of The Puzzle That They Need 101

According to this baseball sabermetrichemagician named Nate Silver who works for Baseball Prospectus and has become famous through his political poll predictive formulamajig blog that has been featured in big wig magazines, news services, and TV shows, Obama has a 93.4 percent chance of winning the election. McCain is all but done. Many of you I'm sure can relate. And when I say "many of you" I mean "frickin a, McCain's just like me." But as you can see, the 132-year-old hasn't given up. Neither should you. Keep scanning your wire, keep pulling trades, keep trashing the guy who drafted Tom Brady (if that's not you). You still have a 6.6 percent chance of winning your league! Gold Wire Pickups Antonio Bryant/WR Tampa Bay: Week seven seems like a surprise coming-out party for Bryant, but in reality, he had it coming. He is 10th in the league in targets, above names like Terrell Owens, Plaxico Burress, and Calvin Johnson. Jeff Garcia confirmed his role as Tampa's starting QB, mainly through dominating the Seahawks with successful connections to Antonio. All signs point to him being the number one option for the Bucs. Greg Camarillo/WR Miami: Chad Pennington continues to impress, and the main beneficiary has been Camarillo. He has had four or more catches in each of the past five weeks, and has clearly emerged as the go-to wide out in the Miami offense. His consistency makes him more than worthy for a bench spot in normal-sized leagues. Sammy Morris/RB New England: After absolutely brutalizing the Broncos on Monday Night Football during the first half (138 yards and a touchdown), Morris went down with what the Pats called a knee injury. The news on Tuesday is that Belichick calls him day-to-day and that he has been seen walking around without a limp. If he's good to go, Morris has the potential to be a solid #3 option with Maroney now on injured reserve and some guy named Benjarvus Green-Ellis being the only legitimate carry hawk. Copper Wire Pickups Javon Walker/WR Oakland: Apparently he has recovered from his Vegas beat down. Putting up 75 yards plus a touchdown on five catches, Walker showed the first flashes of better than badness from a Raider receiver all year. Expect increased production in the Oakland offense as the year progresses. Jeff Garcia/QB Tampa Bay: While Bryant looked great, Garcia looked at least decent. He dropped 310 yards and a score on the Seahawks defense, which in perspective is a lot worse than good so don't get too excited, and is a serviceable backup. Malcom Floyd/WR San Diego: He has had 60 yards and a touchdown in each of the past two weeks, mainly due to the absense of Chris Chambers. But Floyd is still a third-stringer when Chambers returns, which should be sometime in the next few weeks. He is decently ownable at the moment, possessing great red zone skills and athleticism; he has probably moved ahead of Buster Davis and Legedu Naanee on the depth chart for good, but will most likely go back to being mostly irrelevant in less than a month. Chicken Wire Pickups Maurice Morris/RB Seattle: Perusing the box scores, you will see Morris's name pop up as the most productive Seattle position player in Sunday's game against Tampa Bay. It's an illusion. His measly 68 total yards were not even a bright spot for the Seahawks' porous performance. Leave him in the free agent pool. Josh Morgan/WR San Francisco: Morgan's 86 yards and a touchdown make him a nice little... one-week wonder on a crappy team. Say no. Got burning questions that you desperately need some random people you read online to answer? FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com. We're not afraid to talk to strangers.

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Weekend Recap: Week 7

I'm an addict. And so are you. No, you won't have to share a room with Amy Winehouse or Pacman Jones. For that alone, I can say I'm grateful. We're fantasy football addicts. Aside from Texans fans, who else in their right mind would get excited when they see Matt Schaub connect with Kevin Walter? Who would toil through stat after stat in the offseason, trying to decide what running back you should put ahead one another? Who else would sit here and read this blog day after day? The answer to that is probably no one, but I digress. I'm not taking anything away from the game or the people who play it. I'll be the first person to get giddy when I see the words "red zone carries." But this game causes us to go to some crazy lengths sometimes. Without further ado, I'll satisfy your addiction. - My weekly Ryan-Fitzpatrick-spells-doom-for-Cincinnati point. Palmer is still out a few more weeks and quite possibly the rest of the year. T.J. Houshmandzadeh will get you receptions, but not much else these days. - Derek Anderson couldn't even come close to completing 40 percent of his passes this week against Washington. With rumors of the Browns turning down not one, but two first-round picks from Minnesota that would have sent Brady Quinn to the Vikings, you start to wonder how much confidence they have left in Anderson. - Clinton Portis has now had four straight 100-plus-yard rushing games. Without a doubt, this guy is a monster and I expect him to be the top back at the end of the season. - Kyle Orton is rapidly improving. With five touchdowns and zero—yeah, zero—interceptions the past three games, he's worth picking up off of waivers if you're in need of a QB. - Don't worry about Marques Colston's struggles this past week. A full week of practice with Drew Brees should do him wonders. - It seems like teams have started to figure out Miami's Wildcat formation. Bad news for Dolphins owners and fans alike. Seriously though, how long were you expecting it to last? - The Chiefs defense should be embarrassed. Nay, beyond embarrassed. There's no excuse possible to explain how you let LenDale White break off an 80-yard run. - In a non-fantasy story, Tyler Thigpen was Kansas City's leading rusher against the Titans. Hard to put things in bigger perspective than that.
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Straight Outta Mancavedom: Week 7 Mancrushes

Is there a better activity in the world than chilling down in the man cave discussing football and girls? Red-blooded American males say it in unison, "No." Of course not. This is why every Thursday (or in this week's case, late Saturday) FFWWH will let you all in on our own couch talk about football. And girls. And football playing girls. The down side? Football playing girls don't matter in the type of fantasy football that this site is specifically about. So uhh, we kind of had to improvise and work with what we have. So, umm, this feature will be about our mancrushes. (Ya, ya, cue the "figures, he's from California" jokes, blah, blah.) Moving on. Here's each of our respective mancrushes for week seven. A-Koz He came up big last week and that should continue this week. Vincent Jackson, as I mentioned in my weekly recap, was a monster last week. He tore up the Pats secondary and was targeted many times on the deep ball. [Ed's note: V-Jax had 10 targets in week six.]

Now he gets to go against a Bills' secondary that is ravaged by injuries. In addition to Terrence McGee being out this week, Ashton Youboty could be out this week. The Chargers know that that'll be the weakness of Buffalo and should try to exploit it early and often. Chris Chambers is listed as doubtful this week, leaving Jackson with nearly all the targets to WRs this week. Stat Boy Don't you love it when your quarterback is coming off back-to-back 300-yards games and is playing the worst passing defense this week? Yeah, I figured. That's why Matt Schaub is my mancrush of the week. The past two games he's played, Schaub has had an average of 340 yards and two passing touchdowns (along with a rushing score as well). On the season, the Detroit Lions have given up 260 yards and two scores per game to opposing quarterbacks. Oh, and Schaub is playing them this week. Look for Schaub to get another 300-yard game and two more scores as he plays his way into the top-four quarterbacks on the week. Tosten Burks Great, great things come from the uniquely dressed. White bow tie on a white shirt? Puleease. Thank god you had that "I didn't know your great-grandfather but from everything that John McCain has told me..." joke. My point? The Bucs will be wearing these beauties this weekend. Against the sixth-worst defense in the NFL. Which is pretty much better than good for the Tampa Bay running game that is sixth best in the league. Start Earnest Graham and Warrick Dunn in every league you're in. Gage Arnold Paging Gage, paging Gage. Please don't go the way of your Vols football program. Keep the fight....

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Stat Boy Saturday: How Consistently is Your RB Getting Carries?

Another week with our honorary stat boy, Zach Fein of Fein Sports. A contributor with as much stat muscle as anyone in the business. You may not understand what he's says and use it for you fantasy leagues, but if you're in the mood to be baffled and confused, then boy does he have you covered. Because life is one big spreadsheet. There is nothing worse than your team's running back getting three carries because his coach decided to give the ball to his backfield mate. If you own a back who is only good for a long run now and then (see: Jones, Felix), you realize the frustration of this almost every other week. Look, I don't hate Felix Jones. Or Jerious Norwood. Or, sometimes, Maurice Jones-Drew. All I'm saying is that you can remove the frustration if you have someone you know will get five, or seven, or ten, carries a game, every game. Take a look at the following table. It lists the top-50 running backs' carries per game, the standard deviation of their carries each week, and the value of those numbers (computed as carries divided by SD). A lower SD means that their carries are more consistent, and thus a higher value is better than a lower one.

Consistency of RBs' Carries

Player	Carries	St.Dev	Value
Chris Johnson	17.0	1.4	12.0
Derrick Ward	8.6	1.0	8.4
Clinton Portis	22.7	2.9	7.7
Brandon Jacobs	15.8	2.6	6.0
Selvin Young	9.4	1.6	5.8
Matt Forte	21.2	3.8	5.6
Steve Slaton	14.4	2.7	5.3
Michael Turner	21.3	4.1	5.1
Marshawn Lynch	18.2	3.5	5.1
Adrian Peterson	21.5	4.2	5.1
Reggie Bush	13.0	2.8	4.7
Tim Hightower	7.2	1.6	4.6
Thomas Jones	16.8	3.9	4.3
Steven Jackson	19.2	4.7	4.1
Chris Perry	15.8	4.0	4.0
Sammy Morris	10.6	2.8	3.8
DeAngelo Williams	14.3	3.9	3.7
Frank Gore	17.8	4.8	3.7
Jamal Lewis	18.0	4.9	3.7
Willie Parker	22.0	6.5	3.4
Julius Jones	18.0	5.3	3.4
LaDanian Tomlinson	18.2	5.5	3.3
Marion Barber	18.3	6.2	3.0
Willis McGahee	14.5	5.0	2.9
Edgerrin James	16.8	6.1	2.7
Jonathan Stewart	11.7	4.5	2.6
Earnest Graham	12.0	4.7	2.6
Ryan Grant	17.7	7.1	2.5
Brian Westbrook	13.5	5.6	2.4
Larry Johnson	18.6	7.8	2.4
LenDale White	12.6	5.3	2.4
Darren Sproles	4.7	2.0	2.4
Ronnie Brown	14.2	6.0	2.3
Warrick Dunn	12.5	5.4	2.3
Fred Jackson	6.0	2.6	2.3
Michael Bush	11.8	5.1	2.3
Darren McFadden	11.8	5.2	2.3
Felix Jones	6.0	2.7	2.2
Le'Ron McClain	13.0	6.1	2.1
Ricky Williams	10.0	4.9	2.1
Kevin Smith	8.4	4.5	1.9
Pierre Thomas	5.2	3.1	1.7
Kevin Faulk	4.8	2.9	1.7
Jerious Norwood	6.8	4.2	1.6
Maurice Jones-Drew	10.8	6.9	1.6
Joseph Addai	10.3	6.8	1.5
Michael Pittman	8.2	5.4	1.5
Rudi Johnson	8.0	6.3	1.3
Correll Buckhalter	8.0	7.1	1.1
T.J. Duckett	6.8	7.1	0.9

• Chris Johnson has been amazing this year. He's played five games; his carry totals, from low to high: 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.
• Derrick Ward, with 7.25 yards per touch on the year, is a must-own in all leagues, especially if you own Brandon Jacobs (who is No. 4 on this list).
• If in an argument between Clinton Portis and Marion Barber, you can point to consistency to argue for Portis, who is No. 3, over Barber, who is No. 23. For the record, I like Portis more.
• Sammy Morris is the RB to own in New England. He's the most productive, and is most consistently getting carries.
• It is interesting to see McGahee far ahead of Le'Ron McLain. However, that is likely due to McLain's getting only two carries last week when he had 19, 17, 16, and 11 in the first four games.
• Ryan Grant would have moved up 15 spots if his 33-carry game last week was changed to 23 carries. Don't worry about his low spot on the list.
• Likewise, Earnest Graham would have moved up 10 spots if he had had 15 carries instead of five last week.
• Most of the backs in the bottom 10 of the list were either a) injured mid-game (like Addai), or b) backups planted into a bigger role in one or two games due to injuries or another player (like Pittman).

Keep going...